"I wonder, when you were a teenager what do you think a loved one could have done to support you?"
Honestly I had no one to support me. My Mom and Dad both suffer with mental health issues so anything would have helped me. I felt very alone when I was a teenager and relied on people my own age to help, which was unrealistic.
I rarely ask for help. In fact, I am going to my first counselling appt tomorrow and I am really scared. I may just end up crying and crying. I am sure she will be used to that, as I am sure they see all kinds of people. But, I am almost afraid that once a crack appears in my feelings all of them will rush out. I know it needs to happen but I am afraid of being overwhelmed and maybe I am afraid of what I will find?
Often people who are anxious (myself included) have a need to control things. This however, can be counter productive as we never really have full control. I think you are spot on when you say you will just be there for here and watch for any signs. That is all you can really do and I think any more may be harmful to you and your daughter. I wonder, when you were a teenager what do you think a loved one could have done to support you?
My husband and I were talking about this very thing this morning. I cannot prevent pain or experience for my daughter. I guess because I went through so much, I don't want her to have to suffer as I did. I know that ultimately all experience shapes people, and maybe that is a good thing. I often wonder if mean, selfish people had someone out there preventing pain for them, so they never learned empathy.
I am super aware all the time. I am afraid she will experience depression like I did and try to commit suicide. I tried twice when I was a teenager.
I can't prevent everything. I guess I want to control everything. All I can do is be there for her. At least I know the signs and hopefully I can help her.
One thought I had while reading your post is that it is important for children and even people to go through stressful experiences in order to learn from them. Could this thought help to reframe your fears? It sounds like you want to shelter your daughter from stressful experiences - which is natural. But this can be counter productive in parenting as children need to learn how to handle stress, difficult people and other things she might be exposed to at school. She may have hard experiences to go through but this is essential for her developement. If you are able to maintain your calm when she has difficult experiences this will support her and help her more then you can know. What are your thoughts on this?
Sometimes I do use food to self-soothe. But I also have periods where I can't eat much at a time because if I feel remotely full it makes me super anxious.
My doctor's appt went well. It turns out I was confused with the medication and prescriptions that I got back in July. I was not supposed to ween myself off of one medication and then start another. I was to take them at the same time while weening off one. Confusing. I got the dr to write down all the info because the last appt was overwhelming and confusing.
So I am supposed to be on propranolol and citalopram, while weening off of amitriptyline which I have been taking for so many years for migraines. I am hoping it works. Propranolol is also good for anticipatory anxiety, so hopefully things will go well for that too.
I was so nervous to go to the dr appt. I struggle with authority. My last dr was horrible. I am always afraid of getting yelled at, fired, judged etc.
I am also totally afraid of being institutionalized. Terrified. My Grandmother was put into a psychiatric ward and so was my sister. I am terrified of being put into a ward and having my daughter taken away from me. I know this is worst case thinking. My husband wouldn't let anything like that happen to me but that thought keeps popping up.
So all in all, the dr appt was ok. I am starting new medication starting thursday night. I hope it works out.
Thanks for "listening"
Kendra
PS- anyone else use food to soothe or are in Overeaters Anonymous?
Even after all these years and my recovery I still fear authority so I get a bad feeling when I change my meds without permission. Even when I have too. I've had to a few times. But I know that is just a core belief.
I like what you said about negative thoughts. All thoughts update in memory so if you can challenge them or let them through with less affect it will slowly get better as they update.
