Couldn't think of anything to say that would change your situation. Sorry, depressed myself. But, in regards to question #2, in my experience, Wellbutrin helps more than expected, about two-three months after.

Hello, AKC. Both Wildcat and Caimansbetty are BiPolar and their posts are essential letters to you from their experiences. I only understand 'mania' as it manifests itself in my angry outbursts in the past... my emotions got out of control and I wreaked havoc on friendships and so on...but I am MDD and so I do understand your will to remain inert in the face of challenges that you think are insurmountable. I know that your plans for the future are all contingent on 'success' at the summer job and then being hired by the Law firm later but you must concentrate right now on catching up on the 100 pages of text. How to do this? Well, you've spoken to the Dean and to your Profs and they have 'surprised' you with their understanding. This is a great first step to sorting out your deficit in classes. There must be a really bright and approachable student whose notes you can transcribe?? Work the room! You're on meds I suppose and I wonder how you're doing with them? Can you get a clear diagnosis from your psych. about the BiPO.? All the rest of the good support I'd like to give you has already been given by Caimansbetty and Wildcat. You have to get regular sleep, you have to show up in class, and you have to eat (switch to take-out Chinese or something)veggies. These are just basic and you already know these things. Keep posting and reading for support... you have wonderful advisors in the friends you've already made here... Sorry for being so repetitive but I feel for you; I 'lost' my MA in Eng.Lit at U de M, when I was very depressed and was burying myself with opioids to 'stop the pain' but all I achieved was even deeper depression; I never sought help from a psychiatrist and so I spent several years in the Black Hole until I finally dropped the drugs cold turkey and had the temerity to apply for and land a job teaching in The Kingdom. What a way to go cold turkey! But it worked... I was shaken into sobriety and thus my depression started to lift and I've been fighting ever since to maintain a balanced life and to enjoy love and marriage which I assumed I'd never see again at age 50!! You're so young and I wish that you use all your fighter-strength now to figure out what you need out of life and not just University. You may have to step back to make that leap forward! You must keep struggling and it will get better. Patrick OXO

akc, are you bipolar and have a history of cycles? Or have "strange" family members? I ask because you associated the hypo episode to a change in meds. I recently tried a reduction and went hypo and was heading into manic! Hypo is a great moment - energy and clarity and achievement. Manic is losing it and when I started to believe everyone was mad at me and thought me crazy-hopeless I got scared. If it is meds only then when your body gets back into a pattern you should be better... if you are bipo then keep track of the minutes your sleeping, of your moods (hypo manic with no impairment, some impairment, manic & unable to function, etc), look at the projects you are planning as there could be a million see if they are "reasonable". A dinner party for 15 tonight is o-k-a-y... a dinner party for 100 after you come back from Tibet this afternoon is some what unreasonable... ;p Your know all the good things to do... but I will repete them... hydrate - drink water to keep from dehydration. good food- try to eat nutrious things you might crave carbs so careful with the pasta (i want goog goog last week and ate 4 cups before going to sleep at 1am - that set me up for a good swing). rest - if you can't sleep, try to veg-out with music, calm movie, yoga, tai chi, boring books and phamlets (internet is sitmulating and too bright for rest), -don't distinfect the ceiling, walls and floors then build au underground tunnel system to all your classes for tomorrow morning- remember that on the high we often are incomprehensible to others... the ideas just go too fast and there are few who can keep up... try to not get too frustrated with them; when your find you are at a slower cruising speed your explanations will be easier to follow! oh yes, psychiatric meds are not well understood so there will be all kinds of stupid advice and stigma out there. If you know the meds help you take them accd to the instuctions you have from the dr and pharmacist. If they need tweeking ... take all your notes and see the dr. It is sometimes hard to see the clear way from the inside. and enjoy the hypo-high, the view is beautiful :p

AKC, Thanks for giving us the update. You've been very proactive by facing your medical issues head on which is great. Talking to people about your situation and them being understanding of it makes it much easier to work with them. As for school, continue to set goals and days that you would like to attend class. Make sure that you really do go on these days even if you are not feeling up to it the morning of. It's important that to be able to attain the goals we set for ourselves. As for your medication, continue to talk with your doctor about the problems you are experiencing with sleep and intimacy. He may be able to adjust the dosage you are currently taking or give you other tips to help you through this. It's very important to establish some kind of sleeping schedule. Create one that will best suit your lifestyle and remember to include 30 minutes of relaxation (ie. reading, stretching, deep breathing) exercises before bed. It's also important that you eat and nourish yourself properly. If you are unable to consume solids try to make shakes or smoothies and just sip on them. There are also meal replacement drinks available that have added nutrients. Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator

AKC, It sounds like you are getting a handle on the school issues, which is very good indeed. If I understand you correctly, you believe you have experienced (or are experiencing) "manic" periods but your doctor has not specifically diagnosed you as suffering from mania or hypomania? I am bipolar, so I recognize the problems you describe, but sleep issues and appetite problems are so common with so many disorders and illnesses (and medications) that it may take some time for you and your doctor to figure it out together. It also sounds like you have a lot of books to crack open and read, but don't forget to establish a routine for sleep and down time as well as for study. I know that grad. school is not the best context for establishing a patterned sleep schedule, but it's well worth a try. As for the lack of a sex drive . . . an unfortunate side effect of many anti-depressants, and the effects are both physical and psychological. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your boyfriend, and don't let the meds spoil your desire for both physical and psychological intimacy. You may just have to be more patient with yourself, he'll have to be more patient with you, and both of you may need to be more creative!

sorry - tried to post the second part and the first part came twice. here's part II of my rambling post he fact that i haven't cracked a book and have been terrified of class and now am actually going. so now i have about 1/2 of my transactional law class stuff for tomorrow, or at least unwrap the plastic around the book. i've been awake for the last two nights bc i started meds. i always have problems sleeping, so the combo has now led to two nights of the past 4 weeks of total sleeplessness. like not even a wink. i don't even lie down. i'm a hypochrondriac and thought i was getting hypomanic, but my psych doesn't believe me, i was like 'well i don't stay up for 2 nights in a row without eating anything unless i'm on something good - and this is like all the bad and none of the good". plus thelack of sex drive - can anyone speak to either of these things --> (i) DISCLAIMER I completely know that no one is giving medical advice and that no one is trying to seem like they are. and i know why peeps have to say that. But I do talk to my psychiatrist about it every week = and we're not really getting anywhere right nowbc he (semi-reasonably thinks i do this to myself). i mean, i am a law student so he's got a point. but also bc of that, i fully assume the risk of anyone's advice, will not take it as med advice, and will be totally liable (depending on the jurisdiction) if harm comes to me, which is unlikely bc i just sit and read and watch teevs. so that's my disclaimer - i know that we're not drs' - i say the same stuff to people who ask me legal questions. i just wanted to know if others have had similar experiences with the following (1) the EXTREME lack of sleep and NOT a MORSEL to eat as symptoms of manic. anyways, not sleeping is my own way to act out and be self-destructive bc it's how i rationalize not going to school. who can drive when they're like this. i can't even leave the house. and yeah, he gave me benzos, but they dont put me to sleep they just make me a litter calmer when i'm up all night. so ezcuse me for being all loopy and can't concentrate on anything, least of all corporate law, but i'm content. i even broke my computer and didn't get rage filled - things are definitely looking up. hypomania? (2) SEX - my boyf is great and wonderful and so understanding. until i was like 'i'm too tired' bc i felt pressured to have orgasms bc he's one of those wonderful guys who treats sex as an equal thing. the meds are killing me - the dr added wellbutrin (which i only did bc of the sex issue) - so i'm just wonderng if that has helped anyone here? bc i can't take away one of the most enjoyabe activities of life and i do not want to have to fi9ght with my boyf to explain that no really, it's the drugs, i am just as attracted to him as always but i just have no sex drive. it was our first sex fight too. bleck thank you all for "listening" to me - MORE SO for cheering me on. it was so nice to come here and know that everyone understands how it feels to think things are hopeless while at the same time berating themselves for "doing it to themselves" which is how my "non-depressed" (aka repressed) friends feel - one even had a hissy fit when i announced that i had gone on a milder anti-d (zoloft) than the last time (effexor). i hadn't even gotten up the nerve to tell her for three weeks that i was taking them bc i knew she'd judge me. it's like how i feel about pro-choice and freedom of speech. You don't have to have a late term abortion or wear leonard cohen's "F*** the draft" jacket to the supreme court - but you should have the CHOICE to do so. and i should have the choice to take antids. ok, now i'm ranting in a sleepless craze. i'm going to try and lie down and ignore the fact that my apt is like a pig sty and i have about

Hi Everyone - Just wanted to keep those of you who cheer me on updated as to "the days of our law schools". bc you're like a cheering section, i know i can be supported anonymously by peeps that understand, i applaud you all. so when we left off, 10 days ago, the dean of our dreams had swept in and showered us with the love and affection we all wish our mothers gave us. i was supposed to go to class after the i-dean-of-jeannie spoke to profs. which was two weeks from this coming friday. but i didnt go all last week. i sat home by myself and rotted in my own filfth (in an enjoyable and not melancholy way). i also did two productive things - i found out where i can be a volunteer gymnastics coach (used to do gym for 10 years, and coaching was the best thing i've ever done). i have an appt with head coach on thur. and i joined the law students for reproductive choice group. so two important milestones. and i bought my boyfriend an itouch out of guilt - so that makes three. this week - i tell myself i'll go this week. don't go to school yesterday OR today. but today i took caimansbetty's advice about telling my professors myself. and the idea of doing it five minutes before class was terrifying, so i wrote my 4 different emails, each one was vague in terms of what my "medical condition" or "health problem" was but also subtley clear that it was mental health related (at least to me, but my mom's a shrink so what do i know?). i just wrote to each of them and said i was writing regarding some health problems that have impacted my life profoundly. that as i'm sure the dean told them, i've been working closely with her office as well as getting the medical treatment that i need in order to get thru this very difficult time. then i said that i'm feeling better and will be in class tomorrow. or monday for two classes. then i apologized profusely for not contacting them earlier, again rememberin caimansbetty's advice that the silent sufferer is way worse for profs. so i think i did a nice job of not exactly saying "i'm depressed and i didn't go to class" but also not lying like i've done in the past and saying something about a grandparent dying (i know i know). so this way i felt much more comfortable communicating - i ended it with "i havent' signed the seating chart [whcih, btw, is grounds for them to fail me] so i thought i'd get to class 5 min early to say hello, apologize again, and sign up for a seat" and then finally something along the liens of "i would be happy to make up my "on-call" day and anything else i've missed out on." and i've gotten the BEST responses. I wish i could disclose more personal details about my past schools bc the last LAW school i went to actually discriminated against me bc i came to the dean of students and said something similar (but after finals, so i didn't have anything that i needed an excused absnece for). i also got treated terrible in college and got into a fight with the head shrink at my college, whcih was a highly respected science/biomed school, bc he kept telling me that i should just write out the things i had to do on a calendar and that my parents wouldn't be mad if i did poorly. i was like 'i'm going to fail and my parents are going to kill me, and i have anxiety disorder - and all you can tell me is to write out the things i have to do on a calendar - as if i haven't already done that?' i've just had the WORST experiences with academic institutions and mental health. now i think my school is amazing - one of my profs wrote back immediately and said she was just glad that i was better, that i would not be docked at all for missing my on-call day, and that i could reschedule the next one if i'm not ready, and to come by her office anytime. and another one of my profs waas equally amazing. i feel elated, well, as elated as i can given t

akc4040, So glad to hear the meeting with the dean went well. When speaking with your professor, be as honest as possible and as confident as possible. You're not the first student to have to speak with them, nor the last. Before you go, we suggest that you practice breathing exercises, this will help ease tension and relieve stress. Don't forget that nothing worth doing comes easy, we believe in you! Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

You've got great advice here, so I'll just add: I think it was Roosevelt who said something like "the greatest fear is fear itself". There is no actual evidence to suggest that any of your profs are going to come down hard on you, and the all evidence you do have suggests they will be very supportive. Meditate, or use whatever works for you to relax and centre yourself, and remember that you are creating this anxiety so you can also dissipate it. Not as easy as it sounds, I know, but you've taken a HUGE step forward by contacting and meeting with your Dean -- just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking toward that light at the end of the tunnel.

AKC, It sounds like you already have a plan--get notes from classmates, catch up on the reading. I would suggest you take your plan to each of your professors and tell them exactly what you are going to do. I have to say that, as a professor myself, I find the silence of struggling students much more frustrating than a pro-active approach to problem solving--partly because I can't help those who don't seek help. You seem to be determined to forge ahead, for which you should be commended, and I'm sure your profs will appreciate your honestly and strength.