I might have messed up a recipe for pizza dough. I bought a good quality flour, but the ingredients required a cup of beer. I just used water but added a bit of extra yeast. Where I erred was to double the sugar and salt. They're so insignificant that I don't think it's important. It fascinates me to watch the breadmaker work!
It is trying to snow today. It is tempting to just watch it. I'm sore but not too sore to clean and do laundry. It will just be a slow day. It amazes me how positive I can be when it would be so easy to feel sorry for myself because I'm in pain. I do it because positive really does breed positive and over time I have less anxiety because of it. Not that I don't have to work at it some days. I do. I'm not a martyr either. If I get too sore I'll get a cup of tea and a movie, a couple of tylenol and the day will be over at what ever stage of work I'm at. What is, is. That simple. It is early yet I will get something done just probably not much.
I thought I'd change this because it was getting a little long. Not the format though, it is still the same. As a kid I couldn't wait to grow up and have adult freedom. I never thought about adult responsibility. Few of my generation did. It was make money and have fun, tomorrow is another day. And I had fun. Not like my friends, but I did buy what I felt like. But best of all I worked at what I wanted to work at. Not a matter of getting by at all. Life was good except for the anxiety. It was situational. Most of the time it wasn't there. But when it was, then it was getting by as best as I could. There was no medication back then except barbiturates. Pretty powerful stuff. Later when I got older there was valium and that was sort of a wonder drug. Well we all thought that. Since then there have been all kinds of drugs with one thing in common. They give relief but that is all. Still if that is how you get by who am I to say it is a bad thing. And now there is legalized marijuana. Just another drug. An acceptable way of getting by now.
I've been lucky, a lot of the time getting by was easy for me. As I got older life got harder and being an adult meant having fewer choices. Work meant just a necessity to pay the bills and sometimes there was little left. Easier jobs were no longer fun and I joined the nine to five. (actually eight to six) Up went the stress level. Necessity is the mother of anxiety not invention. Have we invented anything modern that doesn't have anxiety attached to it. All the gimmicks and toys, even if they don't cause anxiety paying for them does. But even getting by has two sides. And that is still our choice. Choose your toys careful. I garden because it saves me money, I enjoy it and it tastes good. The tractor is both toy and tool. My one frivolous expense is this computer. Tool and toy too. I watch DVDs on it. I talk to people in other countries with it. In the end am I doing any more than just getting by? Like most of us. Probably not, but I'm not going to let it bother me.
