This morning the Doctor gave me my results of the Pulmonary Function tests that I had a week or so ago.
I don't have anything other than the damage of smoking for 36 years. Something called smokers lung, the preliminary hardening of the bronchi, something to do with gas retention(????). No chronic bronchitis, no asthma, no COPD, no emphaseama, no cancer. Just a pair of scarred and scared, black turning to pink lungs!
I am so lucky. I can handle this.
Tuesday as I was swimming and found myself for the third time that day not being able to catch my breath I was in a panic. The smog alert had gone over my head, the particulant laden air was intollerable to me, did I recognize this, NO. What do I do to make sure I can breath. I relax. Do diaphramatic breathing and make sure I am in a space and place that is a bit cleaner than the wonderful and wild outdoors of my great and wonderful world class city.
So what to do? I refused going to more specialists and dragging through the summer to be most likely told at the end that I need to heal the damage that I created. This will take time and I know that I am willing to do what is needed to facilitate and assist the healing process.
Where to go? Stay inside in the filtered air. Stay out of the particulant laden smog filled air. Drive with my windows up and stay away from any kind of pollutant. I need to stay in the city and my lungs will heal, I just need to be more watchful and caring.
I am relieved. I am very grateful that there is nothing more seriously wrong. I know that I must take the reigns and be responsible. You know able to respond, not frozen in fear or pushing the envelope, simply gliding on the edge. So swim, swim, swim and breath, breath, breath. I will be getting out my bike, I will be wearing those nasty sars style masks as I ride it and I will be walking the dog in the tree filtered air of the local parks.
So what have I learned from all of this? My laughter peeled across the clinic as my Doctor patted me on the back and said I had done a great job at quitting and that many patients panic at the thought that they are seriously ill and they then take up smoking again. I thought to myself if only he knew how many pounds of salt water taffy and caramels and jelly beans and all the other