I just kept looking at it thinking, "what am I doing? I made a promise to find support at SSC before I'd ever light up again."
What about all I've been through to get here? I feel so ashamed of myself. I've let myself down again. I thought this was it, this was my awakening, this was my second chance. How could I blow it? My mind had already conceded defeat, I'll just keep on smoking. I obviously have no control and I can't do this. Oh, how it hurts. I don't think I can look at myself in the mirror. I'm so ashamed, so sad, so angry. I let myself down, I let myself lose. How could I?
Then I woke up from the dream I was having and the relief was overwhelming. I'm sorry if this upset you to read. I think it would have upset me if it was any of you, but that's not the reason for the suspense. I know we all come from different places, different backgrounds, different lives, but we all have the common goal of leaving the filthy habit of smoking long behind.
I got a horrible taste this morning of what it might be like to be back at the beginning and it scared the hell out of me.
If anyone is out there on the fence, fighting tooth and nail to hold on, please know that there is a better place in your future and you can do this. As they say, sometimes you just have to tie a knot in the end of your rope and hang on. It's true. Please hang on. You will find peace soon.
Life or death, live or die. There is only do, there is no try.
choice puts the free in freedom.
no hurries, no worries.
keep on keepin' on - fish
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/21/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 126
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,798
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $630
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17