Hi islandgirl. What a difficult situation. I can imagine how bad you feel for your husband's friend. His diagnosis was your spur for quitting, much like my friend's diagnosis a year ago was the spur for mine. Fear is a mighty motivator.
But the hardest part would be to watch your husband still smoking and the worry and apprehension that that must be causing you. I applaud you for coming here to vent. This place and these folks saved my quit (and my life) on many an occasion. The advice and support that you have received thus far is awesome.
The only thing that I would add is that if you can find it in yourself (and this would be oh so hard), ISTOP encouraging your husband to quit. Show him by example that it is possible, but otherwise let it be. He is probably terrified too, watching his friend, but sometimes the response to that fear and everyone ELSE'S efforts to get him to quit can cause someone to dig his heels in even further. You mentioned that "we" tried this and then "we" tried this and then "we" got him this. The emphasis was on other people wanting it more than he wanted it himself. Sigh. This never works.
You know from your own experience, that we only quit when WE are ready. We addicts are masters of deception, denial and rationalization. We are rebels who managed to ignore the information, the facts, the deaths for many many years. That rebel in us resists and fights back when others try to "make" us do something. Thus your and every one else's efforts may (and this is just a hypothesis) be making it harder for him to see the light.
So, my suggestion would be to do everything but pressure him to quit. Show him by example. Forgive him for his addiction. Talk about your OWN process. Pray. Send him secret positive subliminal messages for the strength to stop. Love him! One day will be his time.
Sincerely, Carole
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/15/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 387
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,689
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1354.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 53 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47
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Quit Meter
$799,470.00
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 6324
Hours: 15
Minutes: 54
Seconds: 54
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45684
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
1,142,100
Cigarettes Not Smoked
