music totally triggers me-- hard trance/house w/ a heavy 4/4 tempo above 120 b.p.m. pushes me right into either rage or panic, ditto on thrash metal & discordance. i don't know why, except that the rapid beat mimics my pounding, panicking heart. it's been a real issue lately, because my husband likes to play records in his sparetime and lately i just can't take it. i like r&b, hiphop, folk, jazz, swing. syncopation calms me and enervates me.
have trouble breathing as well. since i haven't died yet, and there's no observable obstruction in my airway or lungs, i must surmise that i am suffering delusions. BUT IT FEELS SO REAL AND TERRIFYING! the heat seems to make it worse, as if i am choking on air that is thick enough to be tactile in my throat: like the tail of a beast i have inadvertantly swallowed. nothing seems to help except a cool bath or shower.
valerian root helps w/ anxiety for me, w/ less of a hangover than ativan or the other benzos, but is sometimes not stop enough to help. i drink chamomile, mint, or rooibos tea at night to help me get to sleep. kava kava also helps, but it's recently been linked to liver damage... so use at own risk. it has been banned in canada, where i live, so i don't get to use it anymore. lavender can make a soothing compress. ginger root tea or bitters help calm a worry sick stomach. clove tea can knock you out pretty good, if it's strong enough. marijuana makes me anxious if i smoke too much, but sometimes one pull on a joint hits the spot just right, and can calm me down. i heard that st. john's wart can help w/ anxiety, but when i tried it, i hurled like a crazyfool, so no having that.
peace. tai
