~* Signs You Smoke Too Much *~ ...
* In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."
* Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.
* Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bringdown."
* Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.
* Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.
* In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."
* You get mattress fires more often than haircuts.
* You smoke during sex.
* You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys."
* You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in "nonsmoking" iron lung.
* Your significant other has cigarette burns round his / her mouth.
* Your lighter is plugged directly into a gas main.
* Your neighbors take in their washing when you sit out in your garden.
* You were surprised to find out that a Camel was also an animal.
* You have a cigarette in your mouth, in your hand, in your ashtray, and someone offers you one ...
... and you take it.
* You've booked your summer holiday in Marlboro Country.
* You think filters are a snap off section to keep the cigarette fresh.
* Nicotine patches are what you use for plasters.
* Nicotine gum is what you chew to freshen your breath.
* All but one of the major cigarette companies have written to you asking you to cut down.
* One wrote recommending you quit.
* Passive smoking is what you do between drags.
* You think cigars are for wimps.
* You can recognize different brands in the dark. Without lighting up
Remember, smoking doesn't kill people:
People who are trying to quit smoking kill people!
One poll says 73% of Americans favor raising the cigarette tax. It's only fair. Since smokers aren't around as long as the rest of us, they should pay more while they're here.
I quit smoking once for six days. And then they untied me.
Trying to quit smoking can drive you nuts -- especially when you try to light your nicotine gum.
Marlboro has a line of outdoor gear for smokers. They recommend you buy it a size larger so paramedics don't have to cut it off of you.
The Marlboro clothing is very functional. The denim jacket has electric heart paddles sewed right into the lining, and there's a backpack tha
