Wendy and 53runner,
I definitely think we`re on the same wavelength, here! I, too, made my own decision to quit, but I still want to go back--I was just getting started! I`ve built so many of my dreams around a career in teaching and put so much of my heart into it. I refuse to give it up, but dealing with an anxiety disorder makes it extremely difficult to get back up on that proverbial horse!
That point about losing yourself is so true, and I realized that there were certain compromises I was making that no one asked of me, but I was doing anyway to keep the peace. I felt taken for granted on others, which made me just stew in my own juices while I went about my job with a smile on my face. I always thought getting along with people meant making compromises from time to time, but I felt I was making too many, or ones that were one-sided on several occassions. I finally decided to change my situation and pull myself out all together, so I could re-group.
The ones who got to me were the ones who took kindness for weakness or insincerity...it`s scary when you feel you`re being barraged by negative thoughts, even if they have more to do with something else than with you personally. Whether the person is a student, parent, or another teacher, it can be so exhausting and difficult to be strong,yet flexible, in the face of that! 5th graders can be a tough crowd; I agree, kids are living in a much more cynical and fast-paced world in which they have to grow up. It`s hard to remember that they can be easily hurt and insecure despite their sometimes tough exterior.
I really do want to learn how to change my thinking, so I`m not reduced to the "fight or flight" response as my first response. Have you both had some success with counseling? I`m going to give the cog./beh. therapy a go. What has worked for you?
Warmest wishes!
:)
