[quote]
It's quite possible that I should stop stopping right now and work on trusting myself before I give it another go.
[/quote]
Boy, that's junkie thinking at its best! I must say, you've got a very clever junkie... reminds me of mine, actually. But I'm sorry, trusting yourself not to smoke doesn't happen by smoking. You have to NOT smoke, even in tough situations, and eventually, you will trust yourself because you'll know that you COULD have smoked during such-and-such event, but didn't. And if you can make it through that, you can make it through ANYTHING!!!
So how do you trust yourself? Well, that's a good question. I'm not sure my method was the best, but one day, about 2 months after my last slip, I got REALLY upset. I went to the store, bought a pack of cigarettes, had every intention of smoking at least one, but couldn't. It was at that moment that I just KNEW I'd never smoke again. I finally trusted myself because I had the smokes, had the opportunity, but something deep inside of me kept me from smoking. After that point, I knew I'd never smoke again. Sure, I had some tough times after that, and even contemplated it, but never came quite as close as I did that time. Do I recommend going out and getting a pack of cigarettes so you can prove to yourself that you trust yourself enough to smoke? NO WAY!!! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT! But I guess having them in my hand and still not smoking was what did it for me.
The thing is, the more situations you make it through smoke free, the easier this quit (or stop) thing becomes. The trust will come, but just like with any relationship, you don't immidiately trust somebody with your life the day you meet them. You build trust in that person gradually and the more you trust that person, the more you WANT to trust them. And eventually, if trust hasn't been broken, then you WILL trust them completely... but it takes time. Right now, you're building a relationship with your quit, and with the new you. It'll take time to get to the trust point, especially since you've broken trust with yourself before, but you can't get your partner to trust you by cheating on them. Likewise, you can't trust yourself not to smoke by smoking. But keep with the quit (or stop) and that trust will come.
Crave the Quit!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]6/17/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 746
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 18,650
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,080.98
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47