My dear quit buddies,
I wasn't able to check in again since Pompeii but I did want to tell you what happened after I soaked up all your great support and encouragement. You guys are over the top... You're real, you're out there and you understand. I think that's the most amazing thing I learned on this trip. No matter where I am, I'm not alone in this journey. Thanks...
After I posted, we took an old bus along hairpin curves up the volcano Vesuvius. We were dropped off near the top where the road ended and hiked a pretty steep trail the rest of the way with walking sticks. Wasn't too smart to wear a skirt and crock sandals on the crumbly surface, but I was thankful for my healthier legs and lungs! Part of the way into the climb, there was a resting spot where several people were smoking. That could've been me. I was thankful that I didn't need to, but still felt a type of bond with them.
Other times on this trip, when I was panicky and feeling like I was among the few who just couldn't smoke, my world became smaller. My focus was so narrow! When I let go of those negative thoughts (just as powerful as big cravings) I could relax and enjoy the things that non-smokers do. Even if it was from moment to moment for awhile.
One of my favorite distractions was in the ruins at Pompeii. We came to a large (2000 year old) outdoor theater with stone seats surrounding a stage floor way below. I sat near the top and noticed another family quietly speaking English (a comfort for me in Italy) to one another. Way down on the center stage, my hubby broke the ancient silence, booming "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea..." And small voices at the top yelled "Sponge Boob skwa ponts!"
Back in Paris, I tossed the stash that was hidden in the undie drawer- all-by-myself:) Have to do things for myself, my own way, in my own time, or I'm just not happy or fun to be around. I made it a point to look all around me at the people on the streets and in shops and cafes who WEREN'T smoking. Duh. Most of them. Plus, I learned from a waiter that by February 2008 smoking will be prohibited in cafes and restaurants in Paris and perhaps most of Europe. So? So much for the lure and glamour of finding places to puff. I enjoyed all the remaining walks and museums, picnics, metro rides and site seeing very much.
We made it back home safely, and it really was a great trip! I also enjoyed every moment on the metro, train, at the airports and on the planes that I didn't have to smoke!! I'm so proud now that I didn't keep smoking after I slipped, and I have all of you to thank for that. Without your support, I may have felt like my all-or-nothing self. But that's not true. I can get back on track and learn from my mistakes... Failure is what I fear most, but like you said Mercy, failures/mistakes are often the very means used to make things better. You all helped reassure me that I'm acceptable and cared about just the way I am. I don't have to be perfect, and I don't have to smoke either:)
I plan to start that emotions journal Danielle. I think that would help defuse a lot of situations... and help me learn about myself faster.
Love and thanks to all, mamakitty
PS To those of you who heard about the rooftop patio at our apartment in Paris - there were no naked sunbathers, but without window screens, people do open the shutters pretty wide across the streets... The guy babykitty spotted looked like Austin Powers with that triangle shaped rug on his chest:) She noticed the Apple laptop first. I kept the binoculars until he wrapped a towel around himself:)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]6/11/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 42
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 630
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $168.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17