What I see, when I look at your picture is Sadness. I also see someone who would be the first person to fulfill someone else's needs, but forgets about herself often. I know this because I see you in me.
Even though this quit is still very young, I have learned a lot about myself since I joined this site, and my various attempts to quit. I, too analyze everything to death - not so much anymore though, because I am learning to watch just what I am thinking and saying to myself. I am learning to control my thoughts, especially the painful ones and the fabrications that my mind makes that bring about the painful emotions. Still need lots of practice though, but I am willing to wait and be patient, because already I have made lots of progress.
I too have chose to smoke and relapse in the past, during angry times, during disagreements with my hubby. I too have chosen to hurt myself through relapse, thinking it hurt less, when I was doing the hurting. I was so wrong. It didn't hurt less. It hurt more, but it was a hurt that I was comfortable with. Don't know if that makes sense. Maybe even sounds a little sick, but like I said...I am learning. What have I learned....that I don't have to hurt. PERIOD. I'm getting out of the hurting game and getting on with the LIVING game. Stay out of your mind for a while. Turn it off when you can...and....like you say just breathe and live in the moment of that breath.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/13/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 25
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 500
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $287.50
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24
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Quit Meter
$332,889.45
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 6149
Hours: 19
Minutes: 11
Seconds: 29
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45758
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
686,370
Cigarettes Not Smoked
