Pokerbrat,... maybe you won't make it. Maybe you will end up smoking. I hope not, for your sake... and for your son's sake... but if you decide to have that cigarette... it's not the end of the world.
I had 120 days in, back almost 4 years ago, right here at SSC... and I went back smoking. Like you, I found myself in a situation that I just wasn't prepared to deal with without smoking. And while that was the bad news, the good news was that the door swings both ways. I was able to come back and try again. And now...well, things are looking pretty positive.
No one here wants to see you take that cigarette, because we all know how important it is for you to beat this. And we all want you to feel so strongly about that, to be so committed to it, that you can remain smoke-free...even through this. And I think you can. But, if you take that cig or two or three... just know that you can stop anywhere along the way and jump back in the saddle.
I'm not "giving you permission" to smoke. It's not mine to give. Nor do I have the power to stop you from smoking. You have to work out with-in yourself what you're willing to give to this committment. You know why you're doing this. Is it enough?
I have a 17 yr old son, a 15 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old daughter... and I'm also a single father. I have a pretty good idea what you're experiencing right now, and if I was in your shoes... I don't know what I'd do. I'd like to think I wouldn't smoke... but I don't know that.
I guess the only thing I can tell you is that your son, in all probability, is going to be fine. The odds are heavily on his side.
But he needs to go over there with the intention of living, and you can be in solidarity with him... by believing in life for your son... and for you.
But, whatever your decision...as long as there's breath there's hope. A wrong choice will just lead to another opportunity to make the right choice. But...if you choose to walk through the fire, if you choose to accept this pain as a condition of living and trust that it will amount to good in time, you'll benefit, along with your son and all those who love you.
Whatever you do, whatever you choose... we'll be here.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/6/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 161
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,025
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,489.25
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15