I am tired today. I think I might just be really easy. Although I think about smoking (what seems to be a lot), I doubt that is is any more than when I was a smoker. I have been very glad for what it is that I am doing. I swam better yesterday than I have ever swum. I realized that if I simply slowed down I would be able to go the distance. How is that for a life choice. Great metaphor. I also noticed passing smokers in the street and in front of stores that the smell is still acrid and harsh. I am glad for that. My throat seems congested and I know that it is simply my throat not knowing what to do without all that hot smoke and tar being shoved down. Best to all of you. There is a group out there that is rolling over into a year this week and I am rolling over into a month. There could be a lot of celebration here in SSC ville. I have a new tag line for my signature. Trying is Dying. There is an old saying in my world. Try to feed the dog and the dog dies. Cheers Have a great day, keep the faith, stay quit. Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 24 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 490 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $180 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43

Oh and I am saving all the celebratng for tomorrow when the little rolling mete will read 21 days ahhhhhhhhhhh and I can't celebrate too much or too soon?????? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 410 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $150 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54

Hello I'm back. I am very tired today I hardly slept last night and I have a 7:00 am meeting every Thursday morning. Oh well. I have been very good in terms of not lusting after the smoke. I simply need to pass an entrance to an office building or pass by a crowd outside of a restaurant and I am assailed with the acrid reek of cigarette smoke. I don't know why but I absolutely loved that smell as I smoked, and now it just sours me. I guess as an addict I must have found a way of making something so repulsive less so, to see it (smoking) for what it is not. I guess that tricky twisted thinking is very much the addicted part of me. I know that it is the same thinking that says that I will feel better if I smoked. I know that I would probably have a big time head ache and that I would be even more dizzy, sore throat, nausea ... The posts here over the last few days have been interesting and I must say that I needed for a big piece to go back into my mantra, thought, slogan to stay quit and it goes: "To get different you need to do different". Action backs up the wish. I can not simply wish to be smoke free. I wish that it was so easy. In order to make manifest what I wish for I need to take action. My action right now, to not smoke, do something different. That can be: getting up from where I am and walking about, getting some water, getting out of the house or the room that I am in, smelling something really lovely, eat a piece of fresh fruit, get away from the smell that is overwhelming me (sometimes car or vehicle exhaust smells like cigarette smoke to me or has the smell that I associate with cigarette smoke). The list can go on and it does, there are several lists on this site that are very good. So I am constantly taking action, I would have thought that that would be exhausting and it obviously isn't exhausting enough. Cause I am still tired. I know as well that the tiredness makes me cranky. Then I get to tell myself a whole big story that I should be so nice, nice, nice. Where was it posted I think it might have been Rusty that said that this is all about me. I need to go there sometimes and let this be all about me and then I can get back to celebrating, enjoying this loving and caring gift that I am giving myself. AND this is probably

[url=http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?Forum=14&Topic=27813]Twenty One Days![/url] :p ;p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 21 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 420 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $157.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18

Lady Thank you for your sharing and for your contribution to me. I am really glad that there are others on this Roman road. I am touched by how honest and direct you are. Thanks [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 414 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $150 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 4 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9

Up and at em. I feel so blaagh. Oh well today is a work day and work I must do. I didn't do a bunch of research or look at the news much last night and I am saddened by the death of Dana Reeve. I know that I will not dwell on this much. I have had so many people around me die early in their lives, I know that I will only get frustrated, sad and angry about waste and all of the tragedy of life. I am much more concerned with myself. Having been through all kinds of illness one of them clinical depression. I really don't like the up and down emotional ride that this is. Now I know that being scared, or being sad, or being angry all have been triggers for smoking and I know that in the last few years that I have worked around and through a lot of this stuff. I still don't like the motion of this ocean. It is too familiar. I also am totally aware that the up and down aspect of my emotions can be manipulated in ways that I don't understand, but I know work for me. Reward, Reward, Reward. Celebration, Celebration, Celebration. Outside air, Outside air, Outside air. These are some of the things that stimulate me and bring me up when I am down. Posting into this site has been another mood modulator. Swimming has been a mood modulator and it is also very exciting to be doing something I had told myself I was long passed, so it can have me awake at night. Finding new ways to bring mind over body or sense over emotion, no I won't erase that it is really my mind and my will, my spirit if you wish, conquering my addiction. This is the constant battle. This is where courage, fortitude, endurance and mastery of my SELF come into all of this. I know I will not smoke. I know that in my mind, (do I firmly trust that I will not cave, NO) There is a piece of myself that can almost sway my other parts to cave in this. This is the constant battle. This is what makes me tired. and this is where I say "there is too much energy going into this, go and do something else". Well my dear this is something else. Concentrating on this quit is the objective of my life at this moment and having put 36 years into smoking I am finally saying that I deserve more and that I am going to give myself more.I want to live to see the sun rise and set a whole lot more times. I am very proud

Thanks Redrosie! Your beagle is very cute! I am off to work now and I will be back tonight Hold the quit, Keep the quit, I am quit! Hooray. I am really sitting with the whole thing about smell and what I must have smelled like.Or didn't smell like. People are so polite. Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 19 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 389 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $142.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

Just got back from the dentist. Sigh of relief. Not so painful as I thought although an under the gums scaling is no cup of tea. Oh well it needed to be done and the dentist who is so very kind and considerate of me ever so gently said that if I have this done every six months that in eighteen to twenty four months it should be taken care of. OHMY G-D. Oh well who would have thought and I bet that any fourteen year old that you tell this to would simply disbelieve and go on with their day. AND there was none of this when I was 14. Although when I think of it it was already announced that smoking was bad for your health. AND as a fourteen year old health meant health LIKE MY BODY and I would have not even thought about what the hell might happen at fifty well 49 and 1/2. Oh well. Now to the bright side. Ain't our body grand that it can heal what wes done to it over decades in a matter of years. I am so grateful for this and I am so grateful that I chose to quit when I did and that I am not sick or suffering from some self inflicted disease. Shevie I did make a point to ask about all those nasty things like cancers and other very horrible afflictions that smokers get and the dentist said that he saw nothing and to keep on checking every six months. So, for now I have a clean bill of health. OHMY G-D this is like so much other stuff. Oh well my life does go on. Glad I don't work today, I am rewarding myself for this nasty nasty morning with a nice little nap and a doggy walk. There is some real information here for me about keeping this quit and making it, the quit, a real and verifiable fixture in my life. 1, because without it I most likely would not have a life. 2, everything in my life and my families life is risked and put into jeopardy if I continue this life risking behaviour. 3, I am a lazy grumpy old sod (to quote from out there, i would have said sob) and I most certainly do not want to do some and I really mean any of this stuff ever again. Next step the Doctor and all the other stuff. Keep the quit! Phillip ;p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 373 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $135 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57

Hey Redrosie: my hound is a beagle too. She is 14 years old and as spry and as headstrong as when she was a pup! and I can be anything I want and she will always come around. Lady I am getting there and the posts and particularly the joking about grumpy old men is cute and I am smiling. Funny because I don't really see myself as a grumpy old man and I guess there is always possibility. I wonder if being a grumpy old man is a choice? Any response, information, advice about this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everone for reading responding and being there. To all of the people who have posted in the past few days saying that you come into this sight and read. GREAT. This is the perfect and most wonderful place to get informed, get educated and get inspired about breaking addiction, quitting smoking and actually getting a life. Thats what I really want is life, life free from the grip of smoke, free from cigarettes and free from the claw of the drug in tobacco. So read on get what you need, good luck and have strenght. Smiling Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 353 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $127.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9

[color=Teal]I am here. As miserable as I am I am here. I am grateful to read all the posts and I think that underneath it all I want myself to be much farther along than I am. AND I am where I I am day 17 and that has to be good because it is better than it was yesterday or the day before or 17 days ago. SOOOOOO I am here! Mad Blush Mad Phillip[/color] Just posted this over in the stats parade and I fell a little naughty. Smirk. I am glad that I didn't have to work today and I will have to work tomorrow. Shevie. Now its time to be supportive, I don't like the idea of being scarred to death at what the dentist might find or not. (I know that my dentist will be very surprised and proud that I have quit, it is a conversation that we have had in the past) and Thanks for the pat on the back about my attitude. My attitude is what will make or break this quit for me. So it becomes very important to have lots of big time attitude. I think that smoking added to my smallness in the world my shrinking back from what might have confronted men. and the attitude that I have and am finding that I have more of is what is going to have me stand taller and prouder, stronger in the world. This comming frm a man who barely graced 5 foot 3 inches. I have never been tall and I know that what I feel as I walk by people smoking in from of the buildings as I get the dog to the park is TALL, PROUD and very glad that I am standing in my word to myself and making (constantly) the choice to stay quit! Hooray Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 352 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $127.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51