Thanks for the suggestion, Pen...i might just grab one since they're right here in front of me like they have been since i quit. Was hoping I'd get a little more helpful advice in how to deal with these emotions, but maybe I was right...this is not the place to be posting this crap [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 182 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,280 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,237.60 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

So have a cigarette if you think that will make your son's going any better for you to deal with but once you've smoked it, he's still gone. How many would you need to smoke to realise it? Nah, ditch the junkie thinking aloha, be brave and have a bloody good cry, then rejoice in him and get on with your smokefee life. That's about it or would you like me to continue? :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/18/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1220 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 24,400 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �6,100.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 195 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

Ok, so I've been struggling for the past week or two....a combination of milestone urges (I still am prone to those, despite the fudgsicle cure) and facing the departure of my youngest son. I've done this before, at least once with each of my three kids, but more like 5-10 times, some leave-takings not so painful, others more so. Each time they come home and leave again, it is saying goodbye to another person, because they are so different at 17, at 21, at 25. This one went away at 17 along with his older brother, then returned at 21. Now, at 23, he is leaving again, more mature, more able to manifest his potential, and once again independent. And this time I am not breathing a sigh of relief for not having to deal with his challenges on a daily basis. This time I know that I will miss the joy of his daily presence in my life, and that, indeed, it may be the final time that I will be graced with his presence on a daily basis. So, here is where I am struggling. Every other time during the past 36 years that I had to deal with an emotional loss, I turned to cigarettes to tone down the intensity of what I was feeling. That is no longer available, and it is such a struggle to figure out how to handle things. I feel like crying...often and a lot...and if any of you remember, aloha does not cry! And then I question WTF is going on with me....is it normal to cry when a child is leaving for the second time at 23? If so, how much is okay? Shouldn't I have better inner resources to deal with this? How sick am I to be so upset about this? What do I, instead of smoking, do to reduce the intensity and frequency of these feelings? Is it okay to post this crap here? Will it discourage other quitters? What is wrong with me that I never grew up emotionally, despite my education, despite my intelligence? I do not agree that my emotional growth stopped at the point I started smoking (too pop psychology for me), but I do know I am way behind on the learning curve. How do I develop other ways to handle the sadness besides smoking? Last night I rescued one of my tenants from a situation where someone was not taking No for an answer. I so wanted to get in a confrontation with the person. Tonight I about snapped when I found out my I/E explorer wasnt functioning. Because in between all of it, for the past week or two, have come the urges...just the physical feeling, of missing the illusion of the soothing of a cigarette. My rational mind knows it will not solve anything, and it sucks, and that is why i am struggling. I don't know how else to handle these strong feelings, other than to "white knuckle" it. Anybody have any suggestions? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 182 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,280 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,237.60 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 1