kittys I do wish that I knew more about your quit, that information can be important in terms of effectively reaching out to someone in distress. And from your post, I believe that you are very much in a difficult state at the moment. But I know that you are searching and I will try to respond to you in a way that will help. What has been said to this point is spot on. Quitting changes many things. Some of us have used cigarettes as a form of self-medication and as a way of dealing with difficulties in our lives. We have used it as a distraction to ward off doing things that may have been distasteful, but which nonetheless had to be completed. We have used it to blunt uncomfortable feelings, we have used it to take the edge off of hurtful things. In short some of us (not all perhaps) have wrapped our shivering souls in a blanket of thin blue smoke. Is it so surprising then that when the blanket is lifted we feel exposed and vulnerable? Not at all, it is logical and represents the defining characteristics of the addict. Which by the way you and I and all of the fine folks here happen to be. Now you may not realize it, but the last line of your posts is cause for hope. "I almost feel as if i should start smoking again so things would be different or AT LEAST TO ME SEEM BETTER. The operative word here is seem. The word seem conotates the act of perceiving, or seeing in a subjective manner. This is a very important piece that you have written, because it tells me that somewhere inside of you, you KNOW that smoking never made anything different. Smoking altered your perception of the way things are. But in truth outward reality remains the same with or without cigarettes. And the real truth is that once you become more comfortable with quitting YOU will be able to alter your own perceptions in a way that will allow you to be comfortable in your life while at the same moment NOT putting your body at risk. In short it is illogical to harm the body in an attempt to protect the soul. But we are addicts and must learn this through the experience of cessation. I don't know if I am being clear here, but it is the best that I can do to try to tell you that your quest is a great one and that you must not give up. Here is a bit I wrote early on in the quit that I think may speak to your situation. I hope it rings a bell with you, in any case, do continue to try, and remember you are not alone. There are many people right here who want to help you. Cigarettes and Me When I was hurt they told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't actually feel the pain. And I believed it. And I never learned to grieve. When I got angry they told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't defend myself. And I believed it. And I never learned to communicate. When I was afraid, they told me everything would be alright as long as I never tasted the fear. And I believed it. And I never learned to cope. When I was happy, they convinced me they were my friends as long as I took them to the party. And I believed it. And I never felt total joy. Take good care of yourself, you can do this. nonic [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 395 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,850 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,147.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 73 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46

To funny, I found something wrong with everyone when I first quit and I would gladly share my opinions with them. Of course my husband really got the once over. It is all about the quit. If you can keep your mouth quite, it saved having to make amends. Like Bear I have smoked most of my life, so what is normal? I don't know and I don't care. I am smoke free and that is good thing. Normal is what normal is, all in ones perspective. Keep the Quit Sparky [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/30/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 269 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,690 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $403.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 38 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

Kittys!, Please don't give up, we're here to help you, fight through it, try distracting yourself by drinking lots of water, chewing on gum or going for a walk. These simple things may help take your mind off of smoking. Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

Kitty - your stats didn't show in your post, so I don't know how long you have been quit, or how old you are or anything. I will tell you that quitting is journey of self discovery. I smoked since I was a teanager, and smoking changes "everything" about you. From the way your metobolism works to the way you cope with problems. I have rather enjoyed getting to know "me" without all the adiction since I have quit. Just now - a year and a half later.. I am learning coping strategies that won't give me cancer or make me fat! Also - depression is normal with quitting, and many folks go through a period where they just don't want anyone to talk to them or touch them or even look in their direction.. I guess around 2 weeks to a month that starts. It passes. Rewarding yourself when you quit is important to open up all those receptors in your brain that closed because nicotine flooded your brain with too much seratonin. That will help a lot with simptoms of depression you may have. Congrats on your decision to quit smoking and making it to the SSC! Stick around and read and post and let's get to know the real kitty together, eh? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 556 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 41,700 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,425.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

Cripes I smoked forever.Well lets try on normal for size and see how it fits. ;p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/20/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 310 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,580 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,100.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 75 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 34 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

So I am having this problem with quitting smoking because I have smoked for ever and now that I have quit, I realized that I don't know how it feels to "be normal" it's different and I don't like it. This has changed how I feel about my personal relationships with other people completely in another direction. Is this normal ? I almost feel as if i should start smoking again so things would be different or atleast to me seem better. :|