Thank you Moss and Marnini,
I've had so much good energy, and have gotten so much done. But! I was sorely tested today.
I need to scoot off to bed, but wanted to check in because I had a very close call.
I cleaned the car out today-- haven't really cleared it out for a month. With a five-year-old, there was much to clear! Coloring books, crayons, juice boxes, cars..... but also empty cigarette boxes (not from him of course).
And I hadn't cleaned my ashtray since I quit....AND I also found a full pack of ciggies.
So I was cleaning away and found these things and in the time it takes to say, "no", I had a cigarette in my mouth. I thought to myself that I wanted it. And the weird thing was, I haven't had a craving in almost a week. I hadn't craved at all even when I was cleaning the car. I've been feeling great.
Thank God there was no lighter around. I actually searched for one! But it gave me just enough time to realize what was going on. Lots of thoughts around that, but the short of it is that I realized how tender the quit still is. I realized that even though I feel like I've got a handle on it, a crave can come out of nowhere and take over in the blink of an eye.
I'm still smoke free. I don't want to give this up. I won't give this up. I am 3 weeks smoke free, and I am committed to staying this way. I love how my life has been since I quit, and can't believe that it could have been gone that fast.
I really believe that the dream was a message. I want to see my son grow up. I want to see us laugh together, watch his baseball games, help him through school, send him off to college...............but most of all, I don't want him to mourn his mother. He has no one else but me. I need to be here. For us.
d
My Milage:My Quit Date: 3/8/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 22
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 528
Amount Saved: $158.40
Life Gained:Days: 2
Hrs: 6
Mins: 27
Seconds: 49