Wow you have every right to feel let down - especially when you began your journey together. But your great tenacity and strength will prevail provided you keep looking inside at your own reasons for quitting, same as you've done for nine months. That nine months is so significant, because it really IS a birth into the new you and the life you were dreaming of when you put out that last cigarette.
You are so in tune with yourself and that knowledge is so very powerful. Tighten your grip on it and squeeze.
My hubby has smoked the whole time since I quit. I knew he wasn't planning to stop and wondered what it would be like to be married to a smoker while trying to stop. I have 3-1/2 years in the bag now and can say that at the onset it was absolutely gut-wrenchingly terrifying; mostly because I was taking a running leap into such a great unknown, entirely on my own. Not only had I been a smoker for 20 years, but my husband and I both smoked when we met, thus all our romance, joy, anger, sorrow for half a decade was dealt with/enjoyed with/faced with/hidden behind that cigarette in hand. When it suddenly wasn't there, it was as if I had changed and he hadn't. I desperately feared how our relationship would withstand the new feelings and expectations. I found many of 'little irritants' in our relationship were actually pretty big problems for me - but mostly because I wasn't emotionally sturdy enough to address them without the smokes. That new ability to speak up after years of not saying anything became an issue in itself. I felt like the token 'nagging wife'. I felt wrong for healing while he was still addicted. I felt guilty for trying to take my life back. These issues remain but every single day, he still smokes and I get stronger. And we get stronger for it.
My point is that this 'you-don't-smoke-and-he-does' scenario is another phase of your relationship, one that you didn't expect and will have an impact on you both every day. It is a twist in the tale you didn't see coming, but you must turn the page and keep reading this new story.
If you want to remain quit, you will find a way to make those differences work. I suspect your husband may be a bit torn. He'll certainly be feeling guilty for starting up again and wishes everything could go back to 'the way it used to be' and so that 'I'm alone in this' guilt would end. But that was a past you've committed to leave behind and I'm sure he'd dislike it more if you were both smoking, whether he'd admit it when he's having that cigarette or not.
Bottom line? Keep on thinking, keep on blogging, dig even deeper and hold fast to what you really want, not what you think would make it all easier.
Nothing worth having is easy to achieve.
x T
My Mileage:My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1277
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 29,371
Amount Saved: �8,077.03
Life Gained:Days: 113
Hrs: 23
Mins: 5
Seconds: 45
Dawn 
