Things have been going from bad to worse with my partner. Everyday is hard and he's getting more difficult to live with. I'm sleeping downstairs more than I'm sleeping upstairs in our room.
My mother broke her knee. She lives next door. I've been cleaning, watering her garden, making all of the meals, trying to keep her company too. She was scheduled for surgery this morning. I took the day off even though things are backed up from me being away, and they actually had her prepped when the doctor came in and said that we'd have to reschedule at the hospital. My poor mom was beside herself. Even though I can't really afford to take more time off, I have to. I have to be there for her.
And for my sons. My little one lost his homework, and had to do a week's worth today too.
And then my eldest came home to visit in tears. One of his closest friends, a boy that I've loved since kindergarten, killed himself. He was 21. I really really don't understand. His father died last year at this time from cancer. He came from such a wonderful family. He was so bright, so warm, so funny, so ethical. Such a wonderful person. And I've known and cared for him through slumber parties, after school play dates, driving the kids before they could drive. And he really stood out. I am in so much pain.
I can't stop crying. My relationship seems to be falling apart no matter how hard I try. My mom needs me, my sons need me, work needs me.
I need responses more than I've ever needed them. Please write if you can. I haven't smoked. But I want to. I feel like there's not much more I can take.
Deb
