Hi wildchild69,
Sorry that you are struggling right now. Some days, especially at the beginning can be disenheartening. It is important to keep your eyes on the prize when that happens. The people who have responded here already have given some awesome advice and words of support.
I also want to reiterate what our health educator said about checking with a doctor regarding depression. If this is actual clinical depression, you may need more than pep talks and relaxation strategies. You may need medical treatment to get you over the hump.
That being said, I will relate a couple of my experiences with this. I have noticed since I quit that I am much more prone to getting tearful. I haven't actually viewed this as depression. I've had real depression at points in my life. This feels kind of different for me. Instead, it's more of an emotional awakening. For all the smoking years, I was pretty tough and had a great deal of control over my emotions. I was able to do that because I would focus myself on a cigarette instead of what I was feeling. I also used cigarettes as an excuse to leave uncomfortable situations. Now, I am facing my feelings and the uncomfortable situations. I'm getting to the point where I kind of like it. I'm glad that I can be moved to tears by something sad or touching. I am also expressing some of my angry thoughts and feelings more openly instead of wandering off to "suck it up" on my own. My current state actually feels more alive to me than what I was doing before.
I've also had some push back from people around me, due to these changes. A couple of people at work have gotten upset at things I have said. I don't think I have really said or done anything horrible. I've just expressed myself, but people aren't used to me doing that. ...Perhaps it's time for the nonsmokers around us to suck it up a bit, eh?
Last thing. Don't obsess on the weight. I've gained weight and haven't lost it. It sucks. But the upward movement on the scale stopped when I stopped worrying about it. I'm still trying to get regular exercise and eat healthy foods, but I'm not going to obsess over weight. Nor am i going to quit smoking. From what I have read and heard from a friend, it's really bad news to start smoking again after weight gain. You don't lose the weight when you restart. So you end up heavier than before and smoking again. My friend said that she went through the cycle several times, adding a few more pounds at each quit/ restart. One of the motivators for her final quit was to not go through that again. So, please stay quit while dealing with your food/ weight issues.