Oh - I can feel your sadness all the way over here DebSoFlo. Your news is devastating! If you feel that 'screwing up ' your quit over your friend's health is haunting you, perhaps you can find a way to remember the best times of your lives together? Maybe that can relieve some of your stress response that triggers those craves. Or maybe; take deep breaths, suck on scotch mints, chew cinnamon toothpicks, read Alan Carr, come here and post your thoughts and feelings, write with your left hand (very distracting), call a friend who understands, give yourself a lovely bath and warm tea, be kind to yourself, get your rest when you can, enjoy that puppy :) and just try getting through it all one day at a time. Sending virtual hugs & a big fluffy blanket to curl up in your way. If you can remember H.A.L.T. and N.O.P.E. - that sure helps too.