That is totally awesome that you recognize this is happening and you are now assuming control. Well done! It can be a challenging process (as I continue to find out) as they can be very subtle and go unnoticed. Like yourself, I'm working hard to change them and I'm finding that they are often as simple as a communication style that needs to be modified. For myself, my goal is not to say anything negative, however, this is very challenging because we often share our thoughts or experience about something with someone close to us or a work associate that is delivered in calm and pleasant tone yet the underlying message is still negative. It doesn't have to be overtly negative, such as complaining about something. It can be passive, where we can come off as a victim in some way. These thinking patterns are very pervasive. The incredibly positive aspect of recognizing this is we now have a line of sight on repairing and replacing these patterns. This will only have a positive effect on your life. Since these patterns are very subtle it becomes easy to see how they can be triggers to drink unto themselves or magnify others.
Great post Kez! Keep going because you're definitely on the right track.
Yesterday at work I was feeling really ...down I guess; a whole mix of feelings but all negative. So I grabbed a pad of paper, marked down the time, and I started to record every time I made a cognitive distortion. In the matter of about 5 minutes, I came up with four of them! The first step is to be able to identify specifically what is happening in your unconscious mind and become more aware of it. What is it telling you or assuming that is making you feel bad. And then I tried to counter those distorted thoughts in my head. I'm going to continue to identify and write down the CDs every time I start to feel crappy, as a start. Because I realize now that feeling badly for no apparent reason is a strong signal that your unconscious (and conscious) minds are not thinking rationally. And worst of all it's tricky because it's also one of those congnitive distortions - "I feel, therefore I am."Anyway... I found it a really helpful exercise.
You make a lot of really goods points and observations. It's an area that I'm really looking at more closely and I realized it's not just the thinking, it can also be our reactions in how we communicate with people and deal with our environment. Extreme reactions, like blowing up or over reacting, followed by extreme withdrawal, regret , or second guessing if how we handled something was appropriate. The thinking manifests itself in so many ways. A good exercise is don't say anything negative about anyone or anything. See how long you can go for without doing it. Work on eliminating negative language from your vocabulary and be positively constructive. It can be a real challenge when things don't go your way and passions flare up.
I can relate to so many of characteristics of the household you describe. It leaves one feeling very out of place and isolated, feelings you really want to detach from. So maybe sometimes that addictive voice is suggesting that we drink to escape the stress of our own thinking. Yet, if we really look at it we evolved in a way that is totally expected and in a very natural way. It's those marbles I wrote about in my blog.....
I have/do all of the 10! Wow I've not realized how much black/white thinking was causing my drinking. The extreme alcohol high/ hangover low. All those posts hit home. I was raised in a hyper religious family. Never felt like I belonged and was always looking for love, approval and to be liked. I was alone a lot as a kid and I think that ruined my self esteem. I also have demons to fight with over abandonment and have been "held hostage" by my mind! I had rolling thoughts, negative thoughts and when binging the last two times--on a binge hopefully for the last time---I became able to think about killing myself to make the cycle stop. I could not see a way out of the cycle. That was the wake up for me. I want to live! I want to be with my family in mind and body. Now, I don't even recognize that person and it makes me shutter to look at how fast I let it get out of control. That's what black/white distorted thinking will do. So saying that--I'm working hard at continuing success. This site has been a safe, amazing place for me. Thanks for all the great info and Great reading on this thread. I am going to re read it and try to internalize it.
Brilliant posts, everyone. I can't wait until I can read them all more closely. So relevant.
I've only recently come to the realization that my distorted thinking has had a catastrophic effect on my life. It's not that I was never trying to heal myself, or never trying to change, but it's impossible to do those things when you're held hostage by your own mind. It was an unbelievable concept to bring into my awareness after having fought so hard for so many years with no resolution -only frustration! And then there's the hardest part that comes after that revelation - taming the beast!!!!
This topic seems to be relevant at the moment........the primary cognitive distortions and negative thinking habits are listed and discussed throughout the posts. Let's do our best to recognize them and eliminate them.
You are correct. Most, if not all, people demonstrate some sort of distorted thinking patterns and wouldn't necessarily have a drinking problem. What we're saying is that it can (and is) a distinct factor that motivates one to drink because these types of thinking patterns become habits that create a lot of internal stress and anxiety, especially when they are connected to one's self-concept and self-worth. The thoughts that precede these distortions in thinking usually exist outside of our awareness. These patterns drive stress and depression and when someone makes the mental\ physical connection (because we experience both) that they can find relief and control for the stress and fears they feel. Distortions in thinking are triggers for drinking, not the only triggers but triggers just the same. Factor in physical and psychological trauma(s)\ abuse throughout ones life, or a depression, OCD, bi-polar, etc and the need to escape and control are profound. Drinking creates specific neurobiological effects that impact endorphins and dopamine response (which is a whole other subject unto itself). People can become addicted to endorphin release to combat stress in many other ways, such as exercise or high-risk activities. Religion and God can produce the same experience. It all seems to circle back to fear and control, doesn't it?
We all find our own unique way into the common problem alcohol abuse and the spectrum of reasons for it are broad and grey (not black and white :).
Thanks for contributing to the topic Squashed. As I was writing this I made so many side notes and it took me in a lot of different directions to build on.
I admit to sitting on the fence regarding the link between distorted thinking patterns and alcohol addiction. I am guessing that most people practice some or at least one of the 10 types of distorted thinking patterns in their day to day lives but aren't problem drinkers. You could probably claim that criminals or racists or ( fill in the blanks here) all display similar distorted thinking patterns.
I do think though that from a personal growth perspective, the topic is very interesting indeed. For many people who are wanting to live meaningful and happy lives and who are prepared to make positive changes to make that happen, then I agree addressing thought patterns that no longer serve you is a good place to start.
I have identified one of the patterns that I have decided to confront head on. It's the one about catastrophising. I usually expect things to go terribly wrong, and prepare for the worst. I know I do this to protect myself from being disappointed so that if/when it happens it's not such a big blow. I can't handle feeling devastated, like when my mum died when I was a kid. The problem with this thought pattern is that it tends to keep you in a negative frame of mind constantly and you can't enjoy much fun when you are always doomed!
Anyway, I do hope others will work through the issues/behaviour and thought patterns that personally identify with. I have a long way to go but at least I have started.
Well done with intercepting that trigger and shutting done that voice. That's an incredibly significant achievement and is not an easy thing to do because the motivators for the trigger are typically beneath our immediate awareness. Challenges those motivators, like you have in that is example, is key to success. Great work!
