I did happen to dip into the Big Book today as I saw it mentioned on a forum chat. I was really surprised....I thought it was going to be a preachy self-help book, but it wasn't like that at all. Infact I found it a great comfort reading how others dealt with being an alcoholic. I will read the two chapters you suggested ..thank you
Looks like your husband got the "powerlessness" concept real well. People have to realize that on their own, probably thats the reason he left you to arrive at the conclusion. We can only share our experience, but the "other person" has to have a deep realization that alcohol is not working for them anymore. You have reached that spot, I think, from what you have posted. You seem sincere and honest. If he has the blue book with him (we call it the big boo) you can read that and understand more about alcoholism. Read the chapters "More about alcoholism" and "There is a Solution" to get a better grasp of the situation.
My husband joined AA over a year ago and hasn't had a drink since. I however, did bring drink into the house, when he wasn't around....BAD IDEA. So while he was at work, I'd enjoy a bottle or two of wine....which when I starting wanting a third bottle...I realised I needed some help. He never said anything, and I'm not sure if he knew how bad I was spiralling out of control. That's why I'm glad I found this site. It's helping me focus on other things besides drinking. It's only been two days...but I'm feeling much more positive and am determined to make a go of it.
It can be extremely tough to stop drinking when you have alcohol in the house. Are there some boundaries you and your husband can work on that may help you? For example, if he avoids drinking around you the first little while? Or perhaps not having alcohol where you can easily access it? What are your thoughts on this?
Quitting drinking while your spouse is still drinking is possible but it does take lots of communication and planning.
Welcome to the site. It's important for you to believe being AF is the right choice for you. I think when our significant other brings it home or offers us a drink it makes US question our resolve. Have faith in yourself. It's difficult to turn away our friend alcohol. If you feel you have a problem then you are the only one that can control your outcome just remember you have the choice. You are in control. Hang in there and pits your feelings. If you need help you will find it here.
Kirk I really like what you wrote "I do what I need to do for me".
I've always let people unknowingly gain control over how I feel or what my level of motivation is. And everyone around me drinks. None have a problem controlling it, to my knowledge, but it's very embedded into my family social structure. I don't think anyone i know would agree I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol either (although as a few other members have pointed out, this is probably at least somewhat due to their own denial about alcohol), but lately I've decided that I need to do this FOR ME as well.
Starw, I know it can be really difficult when your partner comes home with a bunch of alcohol - mine does it all the time. Have you told him how you feel? My hubby is on the couch with a beer right now watching the hockey game - and I haven't even seen it or smelled it because I am busy over here. Distractions are key for the first little while. But you need to set up your surroundings to be able to successfully distract yourself. What were your motivations for joining this site? Welcome :)
Hi Star, I was wondering if you think your husband should stop drinking as well? Do you think he over indulges or over uses alcohol? Unfortunately I know "way" to many couple friends where if one drinks the other does and I'm sure drinking could perpetuate over time to an unhealthy environment around alcohol. Just was curious...
I know it's difficult when your spouse isn't on board with you or you feel he/she doesn't have your back totally. I still have a 1/2 gallon of vodka in my house and several beers in the fridge. I know I should probably get rid of them but my wife drinks rarely and told her I want alcohol out of my life. I'm not sure if she totally gets it, I don't think she thinks I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. So, I just do what I need to do for me. Which I know has already improved our marriage and I think she is finally seeing the difference. Stick to your guns with what is best for "you".
-K
