Hi guys,
Well, here goes, here is what is troubling me... I had a relapse in Decembre of 2006. This is what prompted me to come to this site in the first place. And boy was I right to sign up, it helped soo much. And even as I write this post to vent and worry and complain, I realize how far I have come and how much happier my life is. Ok sidebar over, here goes.
Back when I relaosed they pput me back on my anxiety meds. So I took 1mg of Clonazepam (Rivotril), everyday, not PRN. It was to help me get back under control so I could do the therapy and such. Also, I am a student and face it, in December I hade exems I couldn't miss!
So I went back on the pills! (and the therapist and this site :) )
Anyway, since Clonazepam is highly addictive and since after a while (like 6 months-1 year, about) in my case I have to up the dose for it to work properly, I went off the meds as quickly as soon as I felt ready. And weaning myself off is a long process which involves a therapist, a doctor and a pharmacist lol. Anyway, all this to say I had gone off the meds and I was so proud of myself.I had a prescription PRN, but I was not taking them and it was great! I felt so proud.
But as I have mentionned I am a student and with my studies comes stress, lots and lots of it. I am sure many of you out there know and understand this fact! Anyway, so here and there since I stopped taking the meds daily, I started having to take .25mg or .5mg of Clonazepam here and there. This semester is the toughest one yet. I have my regular classes, my thesis, and an extra class. Big, big semester! So I figured, hey, it is ok, take a .25mg or .5mg here and there get to the end of the semester and then you won't need them anymore since you will have more time to deal with your anxiety in other ways.
The thing is, that my semester finishes very soon. And I am swomped, no buried under assignments and exams, my thesis, and the worse...a public oral presentation of my thesis... And lately I have little time to do the things I usually do to kepp my anxiety, panic and insomnia under control. I get up, come here, then do work till bed. I basically have days where I do 18 hours of homework and then try to go to sleep...
So lately I find myself taking .25mg to .5mg everyday! And that worries me!Am I become addicted and dependant? Will I be able to ween myself off again? On top of it, I take it as a failure on my part that I couldn't do this without the meds, like I should manage on my own all the time...
Anyway, that is what's up with m atm. Besides that I am doing very well considering the circumstances and am generally happy with myself lol.
So for those who didn't read all my ramblings, I can't blame you this post is soooooooo looooooong! And to those who did read it all, thank you very much and sorry for the long post !
Have a great day all!
-Diva