Thank you joe, that is a lovely sentiment! I really appreciate your reply.
I had a dream the other day. and it made me feel so sad. I woke up feeling guilty and dragging this dream around with me. I get those, the dreams. I am not sure why I feel so much guilt. I know I did right by him and did my best for him and that I loved him wel and truely. I know I made the right decision about ending his suffering. so why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel as if I failed him? I miss him. Theese dreams a re so vivid and so tough to deal with.
I still have not washed the shirt I wore on the day I had him put down. It was the shirt I wore the last time I held him. when I come across it in my closet, I get so anxious and upset. And yet I cannot wash it. I have PA just thinking of washing it. I feel so stupid.
Anyway, keep saying I will go cause my head hurts. Lol I guess I am a chronic overacheiver and won't rest till I feel I have answered everythread. SO I better get on with it lol!
The things that truly meant something to us will always affect us, so just like anxiety will always be a part of your life, so will Oscar. Because you grieve so much it means you will never forget him. Take pride in that, that he will always be remembered for being the destroyer of peace in leaf patches!
I went to the doctors today. While telling her what was going on in my life I found myself crying while telling her of Oscar. I relaized just then how much this all affects me. I am doing better but still grieving profoundly. But I am ok, and he is at peace. I do miss him though, so much.
Long time no see! How have you been doing? Thank you so much for stopping by and helping me with this. Thank you for your support it really means a lot to me. I find people sharing their experience with me has been so helpful to me so thank you!
Yesterday, it had been a month since my cat's passing. When I realized it was the 8th it hit me like a ton of bricks. I carried his urn around with me yesterday I must admit. I have been tired and sick in the past few days but yesterday was the toughest. Today, I am coming around and feeling much better. I got up too late but I still had a productive time up to now. Anyway, that is it for me for now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I lost my cat a few months ago. I was shocked by how painful my feelings of grief were. I knew it would hurt, but it was so intense! But over time, the pain became less. I think it was because over time I was able to accept that he was gone. I think a lot of the grief was over the disbelief of him being gone and the guilt of putting him down. But "time heals all wounds"-I didn't believe that at the time-but it was true! I still miss him, but am able to focus on the happy memories I have of him. The intense pain and grief is now gone. My boyfriend was also quite helpful-he asked me if I thought my cat would want me to be so unhappy. To which I thought-no. My cat was always so concerned when I was unhappy. He would always cuddle with me when I cried. So that thought helped me a lot too.
THank you guys for stopping in. Yes, the locket helps. I felt better today for having it with me. I found a picture that fit so well in it. It is a picture of him in his prime at his happiest.
Soon the leaves will fall. I will go hunt some leaves down for Oscar and put them with his urn. I know he would like the leaves. I wish he had made it to autumn so he could play with the leaves one last time. But it wasn't meant to be. So I will get him some.
Anyway, I am tired so I will go to take a nap and I will feel much better when I wake. Thank you again for your support. Today, I had a good day up to now!
Glad to hear that you have a locket! Now, like you said, Oscar is always close to you. Congrats on your successes, and let us know how your class is going.
A month , time certainly does fly . 
