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for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 466

I don't really have enough experience to know what to say, but what I do have is your back Miki. Be strong because you have all of us to help catch you should you fall. Cheers!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 778

Oh Miki , i was hoping it wouldnt come to this but it has my poor girl . Huggles . DM as usual said the lot , what a lady she is .

My two pennies worth now , i have known you for quite a few months now and have been watching you grow and blossom if you like into whole new other stronger person .

I cant even remember how many times you have wrote about you are going to try and talk , write , go out and email your hubby this last couple of months . You have time and time again tried to , and personally i think you have the patience of a saint . You have punished yourself more than over 'one arguement' and a few words . You have also been punished very harsly in my eyes by your husband .

You have tried so hard Miki and its such a shame that it come to this . I do think you are right about living on your own for awhile . It might be just what you need . It cant be nice trying to get someone to talk to you and getting nothing day after day . I mean if he wont even answer you how the heck can you try marriage councelling ?

Maybe when you are on your own , he might have a good old think about whats happened and hopefully after majour apoligizes sort things out with you . If not whats the worst ? You wont be sat in seeing and feeling all the extra tension and stress . You will becoming your own person , which you are anyways with the schooling , moving etc . I dont think you will need to move back with your folks . Hopefully between studing and seeing friends you will so alive and fresh yopu will be happy . Its good to have that safety net for piece of mind too like .

Anyway kids home from school demanding this that and the other . I will get back to other posts in a while . Think i have only done two eek .

Thinking of you CD xxxxxxxxxxx

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 477

Hey Birdie, Dazed Mommy, Joe, and Faith. Thanks so much for the response. Thanks for giving me your experiences and perspectives. But I do believe that marriage takes two and I think I am doing the job of two.

I tired to talk to him, but of course it went out the other ear. I told him everything I could but didn't get any response from him at all. And I've made my decision that I'm going to let him do what he wants. I too used to believe that anyone can work things out, but I am at a point where everything's a bit foggy... sort of like when you're in depression and right or wrong doesn't matter anymore. But I did make a promise to him so I'm not going to decide on divorce on my own, but I will try to stop worrying about him and us and focus on myself only. Tomorrow, I start working and if I accomplish this then I think I will stay in this town and try living on my own. If I end up having anxiety and I can't make it, then maybe I will go back to my parent's. I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow. Thanks so much for reading

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 43

Hi Miki,

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. :( Did you get to talk to your husband yet? I hope that he becomes more understanding about the difficulties you face because of your anxiety.

I personally don't believe that divorce/separation is ever a good option (except perhaps in extreme circumstances of physical harm/life and death). I thought I would put that out there to let you know that I believe people really can work through anything - but I guess the problem is that I believe it has to be done with God's help, not on our own, and perhaps you will not share that view, I don't know. But I encourage you to try counselling and anything you can think of in order to remain faithful to the marriage vows that I assume you both took and made in the presence of each other and witnesses. Divorce should not be taken as lightly as it is in our culture.

I am by no means saying that your situation is not very difficult - only that it is not impossible, and I hope that gives you hope!! I will be thinking of you and I REALLY hope everything gets better for you soon!!!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 466

Here, here, to DM and to Birdie's post! Both very powerful!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Miki

I think loving someone and being in love are different. I know for myself there was a time in our marriage many years ago when I questioned what I was feeling. Being together from such a young age (like yourselves) we can't help but grow and change as time passes. Young adulthood is tumultuous anyways and to be married during this time is even more challenging. We can't possibly know for sure what the future holds especially when were in our 20's... Life comes at you from all angles and we all make choices that take us and form us into the adults we are.

Sometimes loving someone isn't enough - especially when it starts eating away at the people we are. Growing pains are one thing, but to treat you as he is shows a lack of respect on his part. You are his WIFE, that alone grants you the right to be treated with integrity and honesty.

Take care Miki - this will work out in the end the way it was meant to.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 101

Miki-

I'm not sure if I have any good advice but what I'm reading from others is great! A lot of people care about you here and I hope that gives you comfort. I have been through divorce and I know for me my bad marriage was a big part of my anxiety. Our values were so different and that motivated me to leave. I had two children at the time and that was even more motivation to leave because he was making some really poor choices. I did not make that decision lightly. I spent five years really working on myself and forgiveness and all those things that are needed for a good marriage but it wasn't enough and eight and a half years later I still know I made the right decision.

When I left, I was only working part time, so I really couldn't support myself. He wouldn't pay childsupport for a year. So I eventually had to move back in with my parents. I had great family support. That is the key to have others who can love you while you are healing!

I wish I had more time to keep writing but I got a phone call so I have to go now but if there is anything you want to know I would be glad to share.

Take care!

Birdie

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 477

Joe, DazedMommy, Breanne,

I really don't know what I'd do without you guys. Hugs back!!

I still love him, that is why I am still here.. but I am not happy. He's not happy. He's angry at me and it's been a month and a half... If I was in my best condition, I think I can handle it, but I am barely recovering (or maybe even relapsing, gulp!!) from anxiety. I am starting to decide that even if I love him, I can't bring him happiness. He won't even talk to me. But I will try talking to him tonight when he comes back. I am loosing too much confidence.. all that I've gained. Must do something about it.... Thanks for reading and caring.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 466

Hi Miki,

I don't have the experience of a marriage, but my brother has been married over ten years now and went through similar problems. My sister-in-law was going through it, my guess on the situation was she was depressed and perhaps even having anxiety attacks as well, as she wasn't getting (or trying to get) a job even though they really needed it, was binge drinking, and getting into big fights with my brother. He was looking into a divorce, but they have 3 kids as well, and of course he loves her, so the decision was that much harder. Basically, in the end he decided what was best for himself and the kids. Given the complicated nature of the beast, he stayed with her and things actually seem to be slowly progressing into something much better. Though it was NOT a short journey, it took a lot of work, and is far from over. I guess my point is that you know you, make the decision you can live with, and like Dazed said, we are always here to cheer you on sista!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Miki

First off "big hugs"... What a yucky time. I like Gene married my high school sweetheart so I haven't been through anything like this. I can only tell you that what you're feeling is a sure sign that this is not working. I don't know what the solution is but I do know that you can handle it. You are strong and incredibly committed to whatever your working on. Look at how far you've come through the panic as well look at all that you have given to your marriage.

Marriage isn't easy and unfortunately they are not all meant to last forever. It doesn't mean it was a mistake or that you should have regrets it just means that as time moved on so did you... People change and grow. Maybe you weren't ready for the world when you married him and now you are.... You've got a great support system in your family Miki and most importantly you believe in yourself.

Just remember that although you are afraid of what the future holds it will be in your control.... Where as right now you know what it holds and it makes you unhappy. You can change that and we will all be here to cheer you along no matter what you decision is.

Maybe after sharing your thoughts with him it will change and work out... again it's an unknown. Just put yourself first though and be good to YOU.... without that nothing else matters.

I'm behind you 100% Miki if you need to chat, vent or just to listen...

The road may not be easy Miki but I have faith in you that you can do anything. Have no regrets with having shared your feelings. Life would not be any better carrying bottled up resentments inside if you were never able to be honest in fear of upsetting him. That's an unfair way to live.

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