Yes I have come a long way and thank you for reminding me. On a day like today I needed that! And boy do I ever long the way you describe things. I keep wondering where you get images likes that, totems and high winds. Very poetic, I like it! And yes, I do want to get better and you are right, whether I take meds or not I will get to where I want to go as long as I keep on keeping on! And you are right, I am the one who decides the direction I want my life to go and nobody can take that away from me!
As for fear of allergic reactions, I just don't have many options in the newer anti-depressant categories and the older ones give so many side effects...Anyway, I am scared, scared of a bad reaction. This is all very difficult for me and it means this is a tough day.
Sorry to hear you had a bad day, but like you said, you've come a long way. The higher up the totem pole you go, the harder the winds blow. So you want to get better, well don't let this sway you! You're still on the right path, whether you go with meds, or not. Take into account the bad and the good of both sides, use that to weigh the direction you want to take. You have to be able to live with yourself, not your doctor.
Today is another day, whether bad or good your still fighting for the direction you want to take. Don't ever let anyone take that from you. Keep on, keepin on!
I went to see my doctor. She seems worried that I am not really pulling through this "burn-out" or whatever you wanna call it. She has prescribed an anti-depressant. I asked for how long. she admitted to me she thinks I might need it long-term, as in forever. Now this idea revolts me! It makes me angry. I am working so hard to get better on my own! And on top of it, I have gotten better over the years. Even now, in this slump, my life is way better then it was once. It is one thing for me to take meds temporarily to help myself but a whole other one to take them for life! I told my doc this.
So she said ok let's just take them for a little bit then to help get you back on your feet. So I took the prescription. I was crying the whole way back in the car. This depresses me. This makes me feel defeated and like a failure. I worked so hard to get off the meds and now I am back on! I hate this. Plus, I haven't ever really found any meds that really worked well for me anyway! So many side effects, bleh! I could cry right now.
So now I have these new pills and I have no idea what to do with them. Chuck them or take them.... On top of it, with all the bad reactions and allergic reactions I have had in the past, taking new meds is an ordeal for me at best. I get so scared! Bleh!
Today is a bad day.
On top of it, I have leanred from my pharmacist that this molecule is close enough to one of the meds I have had an allergic reaction to that I need to be on allergy watch everytime I take it for 2-3 days! Now I am terrified to take it! But I have few options...
Congratulations on the progress you have been making! How does it feel to be able to deal comfortably with everything going on in your life? Must be pretty rewarding right?
Keep looking for the silver lining in all situations. Doing something so small like this can always makes the biggest difference!
Yeah, I am pretty happy with myself. I am anxious and easily overwhelmed lately but considering everything going on in my life I think I am dealing really well! I have been anxious but not having attacks and oddly enough am ok with thepossibility that I might have some attacks! Now that is progress for me! I don't forsee any though cause I think I am dealing well all things considered! So I guess that is a pretty nice silver lining in all of this!
Sorry I won't be replying to you all but I am having a horrible horrible anxiety and anger filled day! I would begin to explain why this is but it would take you too long to read it! I am just having one of those days! On a positive note, despite anxiety levels that are quite high, I have had no panic attacks at all and do not forsee any happening. Which means I am learning! So there you go, the silver lining! Have a good evening all, I will now go try and talk myself down from having an even worse evening then my day was! Take care!
