Davit, glad to hear that you will be back to your own house soon. Nothing like the comfort of home.
Have you tried ear plugs to help you sleep at night? I've had to be in a hospital before and I swore by those ear plugs, the only way I could sleep!
And don't worry about being short tempered, we've all been guilty of that at some point in time, it can happen. I think the point is to regognize that it's happening and try to deal with it ohterwise, or be more conscious of how we can come across. Personally, I've never thought that you were short tempered, I always found your posts really helpful!
Well, I've blabbed enough, hope the tiem for you to come home arrives soon!!!
Since I couldn't bring you flowers in person at the hospital I thought I would post them here for you. I hope they cheer you up. I will leave them here for you until you get home. Get well soon!!!
Hi D: So glad to hear you are no longer in pain. Boredom is not fun, but it is temporary. How nice to know you can go home soon. You'll be home again to your cat's delight, noisy or not, lol.
This is a great insight you've had. Now that you know how you can sometimes react, you have a choice. That is what I meant when I wrote about going into my room to calm down instead of hurting some innocent bystander. I have figured out it is my responsibility to take care of myself and how I react. I own it. I can only change myself, no one else. We are all on our own journey. Some are more advanced than others in their journey. Some want to learn to be a better human being, some don't want to know - it's too much hard work to change. etc. That's why I like to smile and be kind to people because you never know - they may be having a much more difficult day than I am. I still believe in sending out good vibes as much as I can.
In these postings, we can't see the body language, we can't hear the voice. We can easily mistake the tone of a post.
So don't be too hard on yourself. As you say, you have time on your hands and may be reading more than there is. There are still legitimate reasons to react angrily. Think of Martin Luther King. His anger was for the right reasons. He wanted justice, equality for the downtrodden.
Its good to hear you maybe going home in a couple of days where you can get some peace and quiet. I bet you will even be happy to see and hear your cat that never shuts up. It sound like you have had a lot time to look at your self and think while you have been in the hospital. Try not to be to hard on yourself while you are doing this though. This advice comes from me a person who is her own worst critic. I have been doing a lot of soul searching myself lately. I was really happy with myself yesterday and thought I was making real progress. Today I don't know. I am finding it is hard to find myself while living with another person. When I am out and about without my safe person I am really more relaxed and less anxious than I am when this person is with me. We talked about this and our relationship in general today but have not come up with any real answers. I am not sure what I am going to do or what direction to go in from here at this time. I don't want to do anything I will regret later. One good thing is with all the accusations and complaints about my personality and kitchen sinking that was thrown at me I kept my adrenaline my anxiety, and my anger under control and did not have a panic attack. I do need to find myself and my way and I am not going to give in or give up on myself yet. No what gets thrown at me or how depressed I get. Anyway enough about me. Don't be to hard on yourself and I will try not to be to hard on myself too. I hope you get well soon and get home and back to your green house that is waiting for you.
I have made an interesting discovery. With too much time on my hands here in the hospital I have been reading old posts. I have discovered that I don't like me some times. I have been sharp and short tempered and I need to work on that. I also didn't notice at the time. It is far too easy to lash out during periods of anxiety or pain. I know this is a normal reaction and anger needs to be burnt off in a safe way. The thing that worries me is that since no one can see I'm in pain or anxious the only thought they can possibly have is that I'm a jerk. Oh this is not good. Now of course this is only a problem with strangers because I have no secrets from those that are not. So what is the point of all this? Hum! I will look at people with different eyes now. How many times have I mistaken borderline panic for anger? Anxiety for ignorance? Oh I am not happy with me!
On a lighter side. I'm not in pain, I am extremely bored though. I can't quite walk good enough to go home. There is nothing to do but lay around and put in time. And hospitals don't sleep. People coming and going all hours. Ah, well, a couple more days at most and I can go home to my nice quiet house with my cat that never shuts up.
Hi D: thanks for the good words. Hope you are doing well at the hospital. If you can't post, maybe you can still read and so am sending you some good cheer and saying prayers for you.
Good for you. Sometimes we need friends to give us a little shove in the direction we want to go anyway. Toad houses sound terrific.
Red.
Thanks for the ideas. I have my lap top set up by the bed and I play music to go to sleep. It is a very small hospital and I know all the nooks and crannies to hide in. I also know all the Doctors and Nurses. The only problem right now is that I am supposed to stay in bed and keep my leg elevated. Once the edema goes down and they know for sure what the infection is I will be able to go home again. I have done Home IV before so I can do that if I have to. I seem to be getting a bit better so hope to go home in the next few days, but if not then so be it. I can handle this I'm sure.
I have had periods of blank time. I call them black outs. There are things I can not remember when I have had periods of high stress. My partner has told me things I have said, but I really have no memory of saying them. I think is it when I have way to much stress which leads to extreme anxiety and a type of panic that I just can stand to remember. It is can like a overload on a computer and all the data or information is lost deleted. I sometimes stare out into the nothingness and I lose myself its what I call being a stranger in a strange land. I think it is my way of coping with the overload. I was wondering if their is a chapel or patio or somewhere at the hospital when you can go to get some peace and quite when the noise gets to be to much for you. Can you get a radio or CD player with headphone that you can listen to when the noise and roar gets to loud. Just a couple of ideas I thought I would throw out there hoping that you can find a quite place to retreat to for a while.
I am so sorry you are sick Davit and having to deal with being in the hospital. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
