Sorry for the late response, but every word you wrote there is so true. And you really do help me think I'm not alone, I mean, I'm not. Thank you. It's such a funny battle going on in our heads. I know it too, but I don't know it.
I have found that for all my gains there are still things that can set me back. Of course you know it is not the things but me letting them. I'm not sure why I am having a tough time this time but I am. I'm even having a tough time convincing myself that this will pass even though I know it will. I think it could be the anxiety making a final attempt. A final throw every thing at him attempt. Lets teach him for bragging about how good he is doing. You know the subconscious maybe it's all a lie thing. I know every thing I am thinking is negative. And I only mention it here so that if or when it happens to you, you will know you are not alone. I am strong I will turn this around and be a better person for it, but for now I have a fight on my hands. I won't say wish me luck because I know all of you will without me asking. Besides it isn't luck I need, just determination and that I do have. You might notice that this coincides with me discovering the trigger to my panic and thinking there is not much I can do about it. But I think I am wrong. I think any trigger can be dealt with maybe just not in the way that I think it should. There I go sounding like my therapist. I'm thinking that this could be the last card to turn and now I will have my freedom.
I was listening to Lauryn Hill's CD the other day and how she kept talking about reality and you just really showed me yours. I tend to confuse myself that people have it 'better' then me or that things should be 'prettier' and 'easier' but in reality it's not... and that does make it more beautiful in a sense when you can say that you were fine after all that. I guess, investment of hard work equals the accomplishment.. not abracadabra. Thanks for inspiring.
Thank you. I'm fine today just sleepy. I complained about the log out and Ashley said they were going to fix it. I just don't know when. Till then they will have to go in two posts if they are long.
I am sorry to hear your Dr. visit didn't go the way you wanted. I hope you are relaxing today and in less pain. You handled your exposure very well and should be very proud of yourself. I myself haven't been to a Dr. in 8 months. My last visit was a total waste of time. I told the nurse off and haven't been back since. I figure I will go back when I need to or have to. You handled the situation much better than I would have. I hope you get your meds soon and get some relief from your pain.
Red
PS I tried to send you a longer post but this thing timed me out twice so I guess this post will have to do for now.
Davit: Congratulations on your long day out. I hate the waiting part at a dr.s office the most. Lots of anticipatory anxiety even though I know it's going to be an o.k. visit. My BP is usually high - white coat syndrome - office pressure they call it. I usually try and get the first appt. of the day, that way I don't have to wait around as long. Good for you! Big pat on the back for you. Hope you aren't in too much pain today.
Today I had a very busy day and it did not go well. I sort of slept through my therapy session. Then my visit to the doctor went bad also. He has no answers for my questions but prescribed medication that may help if I have nerve damage. But first he had to make sure it doesn't react with any thing I'm on now. I sat in the waiting room for one and a half hours for that. Then sat at the pharmacy only to be told it won't be here till Tuesday. I also got my oil changed and renewed my insurance. After I got a hot chocolate and went to the library and since I wasn't a nervous wreck I went to the grocery store too. I left home at 9:30 in the morning and got back at 5;00 in the afternoon a bit hungry. Except for being disappointed that the Doc couldn't answer my questions I was fine. See it does get better. It would have been a fine day except for the pain. Don't give up. If I can do it in pain you can do it too.
That's so great to hear that you have over came it. I guess it takes a lot of time and hard work but you prove to me it's possible. What I know for sure, is how much I took my ability so much for granted in the past... never did I have to make plans on what I can and can't buy that day. Walked in the store like nothing. But now it's something.
Hi Red, I don't like shopping too.. so I don't spend too much either.Thanks so much for your words, it made me feel so connected. I do see a lot of progress in myself too, but when I get down, it gets hard to see. But those days are getting less and I know that I am in a better place. I feel like I have 2 people inside always fighting.
Hi AMJ, I'm glad you are feeling better, it makes me feel better too. That is true, I really need this time to slow really really down too. I just don't know how to pick up again, but I guess it's not my time again.
Hi househippo, that is true. It is good to just say it even if they don't understand. I plan to do it more often.
I used to be embarrassed when I was having a panic attack and other people were around. Now if someone asks me if I'm alright I speak up and say, I'm having a panic attack. Even if they don't understand they realize something is up and it actually gives me the time I need to collect myself and calm down. Blessings
I began having panic attacks and developed agoraphobia. It became so bad that I left my job due to such bad attacks at work. I have been out of work for about 4 weeks now and I REALLY needed to the time to really get into my therapy and programs toward feeling better. I was at a point where I was taking about 3 pills a day to just make it thru work and STILL had attacks. Since I stopped working I have been able to slowly pace myself into getting better and I am no longer on meds. I can wake up and excercise, practice exposure, and reconnect with the people I began shutting out. I am not sure if quitting was the right thing to do but I DO know that I feel better and better everyday and I have done things in the past 4 weeks that I haven't done in a while. I am looking to return to work soon but it really helped to be able to focus on getting better without forcing it. Fortunately my family is helping me out alot so I can do this. I still am getting attacks and fear but now somedays I go without any at all.
