Had a much better day. Not much time to think about bad stuff as I had to work. I took a whole valium before work. My wife convinced me to. I also took bach rescue remedy and my regular vitamins. While I still have the lingering depression and anxiety and the dissociation or derealization that goes along with such symptoms, I can't complain about anything in my day. The best part was coming home to my wife and pets. We had dinner early and then worked out as we watched Doctor WHO. Whenever I put that on in the gym, my wife will come workout. I did biceps, she did the bike.
I know the best way to prevent any flair ups of anxiety is to not think about the bad things I think about, but there are times when I get on these negative thinking patterns and they are hard to reverse. Been that way since I was a child.
The cancer worry comes from experience, as my Mother died of it in 1976 and my Father died when he was going through chemo just 2 years ago. I know I am healthy, but just the idea of having a blood test scares me. I once went for a test at my doctor (about 8 years ago) and the nurse said the vein wobbled and she would have to do it again. I turned completely pale white and then the doctor saw me and said, no more needles for him today. LOL
What a great picture..so sunny and warm looking. ..unlike here today....its snowing like crazy, which is odd here at this time of year.....its so dark and dull. I too have SAD.....I bought a knock-off light a few years ago, but I prefer just making the house cosy with some dim lights, and sometimes even candles.... that makes me happier.
I had to cancel my city trip today...boo hoo...but there is no way I'm driving over any mountain in a storm.So now what to do?
i have a couple of choices...Icould be down and go back to bed....very tempting, or I could do something else that I enjoy....hmm....I know, I think I will do some baking, maybe cookies...and get out my new book. Maybe I'll go outside and make a little snowman...never know....in case I'm not being clear here...I'm saying that I'm choosing to be positive, and make the best of the day, rather than moping or sleeping the day away. This is a huge improvemant for me.
I hope everyone has a greatday..i'll check in later.
Sounds like you are taking care of yourself in all the right ways. Be proud of yourself for that!
And all those old addages have meaning, though we use them so much we might not realize their true depth. The two that come to mind right now are: 'pride comes before a fall' (so great that you put your mental health before your pride!); and 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure' (so get that bloodwork done to confirm that you are healthy instead of worrying that you aren't!).
Hmmm, I would have thought younger. I went through a stage of worrying about cancer but they did every test possible looking for where my Staph infection is living. No sign of Cancer. Doesn't mean it isn't there just that what more can I do. I grow Camomile and Lemon Balm, but what I drink the most of is Tetley's ginger mint. I take the odd half a valium when I have to do something that would be very very stressful otherwise, but mostly I get by on calcium and herb teas. Calcium is a necessity for me. My Doc says calcium supplements do not cause stones unless the amount is really high. I've only had two stones in my life and passed both of them.My brother on the other hand gets them all the time.
Davit, "young and handsome?" LOL. I try and stay eternally youthful, but my body aches a lot from all the use. LOL. Those are the breaks when you are a fitness addict since age 14 (I am 44 now). There are so many upsides to exercise, but one draw back is pain. The only real time I don't have some sort of ache or pain is when I am working out. I use lot's of ice.
Been a strange day for me. I worked out for about 3 hours. When I was not obsessing over mortality, I was having a pretty good day except for periods of derealization. I really hate when this stuff comes storming back into my life. I had a pretty good summer. I know the derealization is most likely my bodies way of shielding me from my anxieties. I have read where that can be the case. I also went out back to clean the turtle pond filter.
I actually held my pride for a moment and took half of a 5 mg valium when I was making dinner for my wife and myself. It helped relax me. In a little while it will be time for chamomile tea. We drink some every night before bed.
Oh, and I also obsessed for a few minutes over blood work I am going to have done. Have not had it checked since my kidney stones in 2003. I kept thinking, "what if I have cancer, etc?" I acquired the worry wart gene from my late Father.
I got 60 watt full spectrum incandescent lights from home hardware. All my lights in the house are full spectrum, even the ones in my shop.
I got my SAD light from Sears. I use it every day.
Wrestler:
You sound so positive. Keep it up. Like your pic too, wish I was that young and handsom. :-) You have some very good reasons to lick this thing and I really think you can.
Thanks, everyone. My wife put the bulbs in last year and she thinks they did not work, but I will try them again this year. I had one over my desk but often forgot to turn the light on. LOL
The beach behind us in the pic is near Saint Augustine, Florida.We love going there.
Back when I was on prozac (until 2003) I did not have winters as bad, but it made me so tired and bloated me by adding on pounds. I got off that in 2003 and switched to a natural herb called 5-HTP which helps with seritonin. I still take amytripuline/perphenazine once a day. Wish I could get off that. It causes me to sleep really deep and not remember my dreams that well. Seems when I had the last bought with trying to get off it, I eventually had to up the amount I was taking. It might have been the balance of the prozac I was not on anymore. It is hard to get off the on I am taking now because the last time I tried (2004), I lost about 30 pounds and hardly ever slept and slipped into a bad time with anxiety and depression. During turbulance, I had a panic attack on a flight from Baltimore to Atlanta. I just sat there and took it. LOL That led to some bad days that winter, but I also met my wife during that time.
I am just going to make the best effort I can to not let it get me this season. Just a couple more months and I will have turned the corner. I've got great support from my wife.
I definitely feel the SAD this time of year, too. I'm in the process of getting on a new SSRI and one of the first benefits I noticed as I increased the dosage a step was a reduction in SAD after just a couple of days. If you're on a medication you may want to talk to your doctor about this.
Several people (including my counselor and doctor) have recommended I get full spectrum light bulbs for the winter. These are cheaper than SAD lamps/boxes but provide many of the same benefits. I haven't found out where to get these yet but I'm looking.
Exercise also helps a lot, I've found, and it sounds like you're already doing that one!!
Hi Wrestler: Good to hear from you. I like your pic very much. Lovely couple and the beach in the background is really nice. You have good biceps, shows you work out.
Do you have a SAD lamp? If not, try one out, I think they rent them too. I love natural light but have found on dark gloomy days I like a few lamps on in certain areas of the house, makes me feel cozy and happier.
I finally figured out how to add my picture. I think it's only fair you all know what I look like. :-)
What usually works is keeping myself busy. My wife and I always do a lot of stuff. I am about to start my workout after I post this. Even though I keep myself busy, I have a very active imagination and I sometimes let it run on too long into bad territory. My mind seems to never stop and it often makes it troublesome for me to accomplish anything. I guess that's where the OCD plays it nasty part.
