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setback after a month of relief from panic

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setback after a month of relief from panic

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees.

I'm going to get in trouble here. But it has to be said. You DO NOT sound Bipolar but you need to check it out just to rule it out. If you are you will need medication but will be able to live a relatively normal life. Your husband on the other hand sounds codependent. You need to find out this because if he is You will have difficulty forever unless He does something about it.

This is just my impression and the moderators may delete me again.

Continuing on here. You have not been doing the program long enough. Some people need a long time for it to work. (ME). You might think because I am free now that I just flew through it.

Not so. I got stuck in some spots and had to do extra research. I don't like to tell people it can take a while because it discourages them. No one who does not have attacks (bad ones) can understand the pain and confusion that comes with them. Or the anger that it is out of your control till it is over. It is all about prevention before they happen and acceptance after. there are things you can do to lessen an attack once it happens but once it happens we are in a whole different place till it is over. Pulled here and there. It is like being on the rack during the inquisition. Please just stick it out. It will get better it will just take longer than either of you thought.

It may help that I was mistakenly diagnosed as Bipolar. I am not, not even close despite all the warped thinking I was going through.

Don't let your husband make the decision about meds, let a doctor. If you need them you need them, okay. But don't give up, some times they are necessary.

We will never abandon you. You know that. Your husband could help immensely just by promising not to abandon you too. Such a simple thing for some one who cares to do. Ok I've said enough.

Here for you

Davit

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

ok. one more thing.

during my attacks i feel intense fear of being abandoned and alone. but i am so confused and angry that i yell at my partner to leave me alone and to leave and during the last attack he packed up to leave and that caused me to panic even more. he says he did it because i told him too. i get really angry that he has not even read enough to understand to just stay with me during attacks. during attacks so far he has tried to rationally argue me on what i am saying when i say no one cares about me and other things. i don't think he, as a support person, is supposed to argue with someone when they are in the middle of a panic attack. its like he is in complete denial that i am having an attack, and he responds to my statements as if we were just having a rational conversation about things. he argues with me and then he usually does leave me alone and that is the last thing that i want during an attack is to be left alone. i am so angry with him during my attacks because his reactions during my attacks are so unhelpful. he gets angry with me for having an attack (again) , he says that i have ruined his day, he argues that i am not making any sense (clearly i am not, i don't know why he argues that) and then he leaves. for over a year we havve played out this same scenario over and over without him ever thinking to changge anything. i have begged him to just stay with me during the attack, physically and emotionally and not to argue with me, nott to get angry with me, but to just stay with me so i know i am not alone. clearly he doesn't know the mental pain i am in during an attack. my brain, during those attacks, literally believes i am alone and no one cares. when he reinforces that by saying i have ruined his day, i of course react with more anger and fear.

I am scared to be alone during my attacks but being with someone who is angry with me is not any better. I have tried managing my attacks alone. It is really hard and I want so badly for him to care for me during an attack. I am upset that someone who loves me isn't there for me the right way during an attack.

So during my attacks I am also always dealing with his anger towards me. Sometimes I cannot tell which I am reacting to, my own panic or his anger. it all gets mixed together. it is terrible. In august when i found this site i told him I would do this program and it would help and so i've been doing that. now he is exasperated that it didn't fully work, so he thinks meds are the next step. or at least to talk to a doctor about meds. his anxiety about living with me, a person with a panic disorderr is becoming more obvious. And i have told him he doesn't havve to stay with me if this is too much to handle. but then of course he feels bad leaving me all alone. but part of him does want to leave and come back into my life when things are better. i understand that. but its hard since i havve no one else.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Juanita,

You are right about the communication issues. Its more than fair to say that I have been expected to deal with my anxiety issues alongside building a relationship with someone who isn't very skilled with communication and it has been hard. I didn't mind you putting on a dr. phil hat at all. Few people are concerned with how i a mdoing and I am always told it is because they don't know any better but I know that I show concern for people even when I don't know how to help them, which is most of the time, so I know this is an excuse i am being given. When I am not panicking I know that it is not up to me to dictate who should take time out to be concerned about me. but when I am panicking I am very angry about the lack of concern from everyone. This insight alone is helping me to see that my panic is its own thing and during panic i believe no one is concerrned about me but when i am not panicking, its not as if they actually are concerned, its that i have a better grip or perspective that it is their limitation not mine and also to build my life around other things if certain people can't be bothered to be concerned aboout me.

Davit I sensed you knew I was going to have bumps in the road and I did expect some too. I think that 2 panic attacks in 3 weeks is more than I expected and the last one was really bad but it was I havve to admit, ,exacerbated by the reaction I get from my partner.

I benefit a lot from talking to people face to face and I suspect that what would help right now is a good honest talk with a good psychologist or pyschiatrist to explain the progress i've made with CBT and whether regular appointments with someone face to face can help me through the next few months at least. I had counselling but it is over now as it was short term only. and it didn't really address my panic and it wasn't cbt based so that is what I want to find now. I am told that in my area, the wait lists are long for this type of service. I am going to call around anyways and see what I can find.

Regardless of going on meds or not I would keep working with cBT. My partner is somewhat convinced there are meds out there that will stop me from having the panic attacks. But I need to understand the side effects first because on the other 6 days I havn't had a panic attack in the last 3 weeks, I feel quite good, not depressed, and anxiety is managed. Taking something now to prevent attacks that hampers my functioning the rest of my week seems like a big decision. I do'nt want to make that one based on someone else not wanting to deal with my attacks. I admit my attacks are so hard on me i want them to stop for good too but i would like to think i can do that without meds.

Thank you everyone for posting. Yes I sort of regret posting but I felt pretty upset yesterday and for where i was yesterday am, trying to make sense of this and needing someone else besides my partner to talk to about it, i know i postted for a good reason yesterday even if i regret it today.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Loves trees,

I have read your post a couple of times, and am sorry to hear that you have been having such a rough time with panic lately. You say you can't figure out what is triggering them...ok, maybe just trying to ride them out, instead of beating yourself up trying to figure out why. Did you read jSquared's post and how he handled his latest panic attacks? Maybe something that could work for you.

As for going on meds, I think that is up to you and your doctor, for me, when I decided to do whatever it took to get better, I decided to try a SSRI. My hubby was supportive with whatever decision I made.

Now I'm going to talk with you as if we were sitting together in a coffee shop, two friends discussing life and relationships. I hope I don't get in trouble here, but I have to say from the tone of your post, it makes me wonder if you and your partner need some help on communicating.... There sounds like some resentment and feelings of neglect here. I hear alot of anger. OK, enough of my amateur Dr. Phil..ha, but I am here for you, and I want you to know you are not alone. I wish I knew how to instant messaging. If you would like to talk that way, let me know..I'll get one of my computer whiz kids to help me.Please take care and remember I'm thinking of you.You are not alone.

Juanita

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Thank you Samantha, I forgot again to remind people that we are not doctors so always always make decisions with your doctors knowledge and approval. There are too many things that can influence how your meds work.

Here for us.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi loves trees,

Thank you for sharing this with us. Do continue to work through the program and use the skills on challenging negativity. If you are seriously considering your options with medication, I would recommend making an appointment to see your family physician. This way you can discuss all of your options before making any big decisions. Know that we are here for you.

Samantha, Health Educator

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

Would you believe I have been sitting here waiting for this to happen to you. Because almost every one has this happen to them. Remember you can not eliminate (totally) the reason for attacks. CBT teaches you to bury them but they are still accessible. And that is what you have done. For some reason you have gone looking for them. It could be because you don't really believe you can be better, It could be because you think you don't deserve to be better, it could just be that you want to see if they are still there. (of course they are) These are reasons for the first attack. The others are just negative reinforcement. You beat it before you can do it again. The good news is that you can not believe it happened the next day. That says the positive is still there. Build on that. You are going to go through this test a few more times till you finally really believe that you can be and are okay. So next time you have one, think about how I (one of the free) told you that you would and why. This is not a failure, it is intentional exposure (because you brought it on) and is reinforcement for the positive. (you survived right)

If you do get medication I would use a benzo because it is fast and you can feel bad for giving in. I drove around for a year with a bottle of Ativan I never used just for the security of knowing it was there. I don't know where the pills are now.

In truth you do have to do this on your own. We can only support you and you know we do support you so you are not really doing it alone.

You realize if you give in to the meds that you are not doing it for you, you are doing it for your husband. My feeling is that your husband should find a way to cope even if it means he has to take the meds. They will do him less damage than you. You can show him this, I know what I am talking about.

If you do decide to do an SSRI remember you will likely be worse for a while and think you are having a set back, not so. Mood stabilizers are milder with fewer side effects so you do have choices. I went through this stage with nothing but herbal teas and relaxation techniques and a lot of belief that I could do it. The panic attacks were still panic attacks but I soon learned that it was a normal reaction and could say to myself, "Oh your here again well get it over with and get lost." And it did, after all I'm the boss right.

Here for us.

Davit.

The proof that you are still fine is that you probably regret giving in and posting.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi everyone,

I posted in the success stories forum not too long ago, based on the fact that in the last few months, especially in December, I experienced strings of days without panic and with less anxiety overall and good management of negative thoughts and an increase in positive core beliefs. it was the best i have ever felt.

I don't feel like any of those successes can be taken away from me, and the last few months are important evidence for me to now "know" I can live without anxiety and panic.

But in the last 3 weeks I have experienced one panic attack per week and the last one was really bad. It took me a full day to stop feeling panic. It goes without saying that this was horrible to get through. Looking back on it this morning, I cannot believe that 24 hours ago I was completely panicked about how I would be able to manage my life and find happiness. but i was.

I am going to be really honest here because I am starting to think that maybe my situation is not manageable without taking meds which I have never done ever. I used to think I could conquer my panic and anxiety with CBT alone but that last attack yesterday made me think maybe I cannot. I hope someone can help me to think this through. I have a family doctor but she is not a very good doctor, and the process where I live to find a new doctor will be slow so I will not be put on meds tomorrow that I know for sure. Even if I need them, there is a long process to get assessed and get on them I am told.

Anyways, I can see that what I needed to do to prevent the last 3 panic attacks was to address the negative thoughts that spurned each attack. I know that, but I wasn't able to do it, 3 times now. That has me scared. After the first one I was thinking it was a setback and I'd go back to having a whole month without panic. Now after the 3rd one I am thinking that I honestly don't know exactly what triggered them, and if I do'nt know what triggered them how can I stop the next one? and while i was panicking i didn't know what to do. it got a hold of me, it was terrifying, and i couldn't seem to stop it. i felt intense fear and anger during the attack. the mental pain was excruciating.

Can I stop these attacks with CBT alone or should I see if there is a way to get on meds as quickly as possible?

My partner wants me on meds because i expect him to deal with my anger and fear during my attacks. no one else knows about them. he is burdened by them and possiby burnt out. i am not sure those are good enough reasons to go on meds that i will have to deal with the side effects of when he has not sought any help himself and has been in total denial about my mental health issues. when my attacks are over, he completely ignores them and doesn't talk to me about any of the work i do with CBT to help myself. i understand he doesn't want to be my counsellor but he has endured my attacks for over a year now and he has not even ever sat down and asked me how he can help me during an attack. during an attack he tells me i cannot "do this to him" but after the attack he doesn't talk to me about what we should do together or how he can help me. i d'nt want to go on meds just to relieve him of having to deal with my anxiety when i have made such strides with CBT.

this last attack was scary for me too and made me think it is time to at least investigate going on medication of some sort. since i have never gone down that road i have no idea what it entails. right now my partner thinks that i will simply go to the dr, get some pills and all will be well, no more attacks that ruin his weekends. i don't think it will be that simple. but i value the advice from everyone on this board. how do you make the decision to go on meds when the program has shown some success but attacks persist?

i think another viable option is to learn to deal with my attacks by myself because my partner doesn't want to deal with them. which is his choice. i understand that.

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setback after a month of relief from panic