Thanx Davit, it is really hard not to focus on how bad it was before and how I am so scared to feel like this for a really long time. I have been doing the CBT for the third week now and find it says a lot that I alreay knew but more importantly it supports what I know and helps me practice it more and teaches me things I didn't know. I have not been able to print our my last couple weeks of worksheets becuase my printer is out of ink and I think that might have set me back some as I attempted just trying to do it in my head and not on paper. I go through moments where I handle it well and then I feel okay, but I have been having a hard time today. Last night I had a major panic attack and broke down and took a small piece of Xanax. I am fighting the urge to take one today as I don't want to get back on and have to wean off or suffer the feelings after it wears off. There is no where for me to run from this, I just have to stand up to it and that is scary. It is hard to survive every day instead of living it! I am sure you know about that part, most that have panic have been there I am sure. At this moment even I am in a very surreal and nervous state. I want this feeling to go away so bad! I just pray God balances out my hormones and gives me the strength I need to get through this. I could not do it without him and I don't even want to try it! Thanks for all your response.
Most panic is not real so it is a matter of telling yourself it is not real. In your case it is real. Most likely due to hormones with some anxiety you are doing to yourself. So your problem is two fold. The part you are doing to yourself you can deal with with CBT, but the hormonal part you have to deal with, with relaxation and coping skills. It gets complicated but works best if done in the right order. So you know you are going to have some panic with this pregnancy. You also know you had it with the last one. You survived that one. First positive thought: "it was worth it" Second positive thought: "I can do it again, it will be worth it." Using these words as a mantra can block out the negative thoughts that are causing the panic but will not do anything for the hormone induced panic. For that you need relaxation skills like mild yoga and breathing techniques. Self hypnosis is good too to take your mind off the panic. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away. The goal is to lessen the panic working to getting it down to a tolerable level then down to where it is not bothering you. You don't want it totally gone or you will look for it, you want it tolerable. Sort of in the background where you can keep an eye on it but it can't bother you. Keep track of the positive and ignore the negative. You want only positive thought in your memory bank. Every time you get a good moment focus on it and compare the length to the last one. Try to make them last longer, but when you lose them let them go and let the anxiety happen, just accept it is going to happen and let it go and try to build another happy moment. Sounds complicated? Only if you try to take too big of steps. Remember you only have to get through this. It is temporary and in the end you will have another beautiful child.
One thing, thinking about last time puts the focus on the panic then and makes it bigger. Another negative thought you don't want.
Thanx everyone and I enjoyed the poem too, I actually like to write them too! With my last pregnancy I really got bad for a very long time, but it was different...less panic. I was really distraught and questioning everything and was really obsessed with dying. this time it is more panic but laced in it is the dispair. I have gotten to the point where I feel surreal almost all of the time and I can't stand it, I hate that feeling!!! I am afraid to get out of the bed because I don't want that surreal feeling to take over. Am I doing this to myself or will I just feel this surreal feeling for a while??? I have been through it before but don't remmeber it bothering me this bad. possibly it has just been so long that I don't remember the details. I would really appreciate any insight from someone, anyone who has been through this part lately! Thanx Everyone.
If by despair you mean loneliness, different things work at different times. Sometimes a poem is right. By despair, sometimes it's loneliness. I felt that while taking a walk, by myself, seeing all the people in a big city in restaurants enjoying a Saturday night, enjoying eating, while I'd something really lean, but needed human connection.
despair used to always be a part of the aftermath of anxiety attack, but not lately as I've worked through the lessons. Almost all emotions are more extreme during subsequent pregnancies because you cannot get enough rest... ever. I hope you are able to give yourself credit for doing as well (yes AS WELL) as you are. I'm sorry you are so isolated... the nice part about this site is that there is always someone here to listen and send gentle cyber hugs...( if that is ok).
Hi: Definitely felt that too at times. Crying my heart out, thinking I'd never get better. The thing is, the crying helped me release some of that stress/anxiety. I did ask in prayer for the Lord to help me because I couldn't help myself.
I use distraction too. When it was at its worse, I would call a gf and she would talk to me about anything and everything and that would calm me too. Just 5 minutes sometimes did the trick. So you certainly aren't alone with this emotion. I think most of us have had it sometime or other, usually at the beginning before we learn CBT.
You're not alone Maggie, I have also gotten severe feelings of despair during panic. It's gotten better for me lately though. Whenever I do get one now I just tell myself it doesn't reflect how I really feel, it's the anxiety and panic, and it'll pass.
I know that distraction is not always the best method of coping, but I do find that playing a game or watching a TV show I like often cheers me up quite a bit.
