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for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Red

I know of three instances where a child whose natural parents were from one part of society (urban) were adopted by a family from another part. (rural) Even though brought up in one type of family they still reverted to the characteristics of their natural parents.

My Grandparents on one side were farmers, on the other side city. So my mother was rural, my father urban. Although we lived in a city, I revolted and fought tooth and nail to be a farmer. I still live on an acreage and my brother in a city. Neither likes the others life.

Is this hereditary or is it DNA or are they the same? Point is if you can inherit an instinct this strong why not emotions too. Do they come with the DNA imprinting that forms us? On the theory of evolution, if animals can change to fit their habitat, (racoons and coyotes learn to live in cities) why would we not change to fit our surroundings. I grew up in a society that hated the Soviets, hunted, trapped, got drunk and pounded on each other. I moved to this quiet part of the country and have no TV and don't watch violent movies. My anger level dropped immensely. My brother on the other hand still has a lot of anger. There was no anger in our family so it was not inherited but learned from the society we grew up in. In my case it is being unlearned. Yet I can still feel anger towards myself when I do something to justify it where I can not feel much anger towards others when it is justified. It is obviously an emotion strongly imprinted but what a person does with that emotion seems to be controllable. I wish I could say the same about sad. Sad is one I have a hard time controlling. But sad is still better than mad. And I have reasons for sad that are not mental and not for the most part curable. Acceptance helps.

Davit. Who is not getting anything done today and doesn't care. More tea :-)

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Now that you mention it I have noticed that my anger has moved into sad and yes this is easier to dissipate than anger..and a lot easier on the nervous system..One of the situations I was in this week was a panic situation, a justified fight or flight response and yes it was a sad situation because I wanted to defend myself but the other person was stronger and had a bigger stick. So yes I have had to accept that the situation is a Sad one and one I will have to live with or move. Its seems that as the world gets more violent, that might is right and sometimes we have to turn the other cheek in order to save ourselves. I will put it in Gods hands for now..

I also think there may be something to the theory that anger is hereditary and it may also be in part a product of our society as it is today....

Red...

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

As we know from CBT going from one negative to another is not productive.

Anger and frustration are both negative. But you can not go from anger to joy unless you do something negative, like pounding on some one or something. Something is okay, but someone is not, even if they deserve it. You being "sad" is negative, the situation being "sad" is positive in comparison to anger and allows the situation to be accepted which is positive, as long as you don't add on frustrating or it becomes negative, in which case you have gone from a negative to a negative again. No release there, just more air in the balloon. You have to accept that the situation is "sad". Not you "sad", but even the negative side of "sad", you being "sad" is better than anger. Sad is easier to dissipate than anger.

Being a pacifist I tend to leave hurting others to a higher authority. That may be why my anger level is not very high. Anger is supposed to be hereditary. My father was in the war, but it was not his anger or choice that made him drop bombs on Germany, some one else's anger gave him no choice.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

In the past I used to work off my anger or depressed moods by trimming trees and digging in the yard etc etc.,any thing really physical hard.Which I have been doing a lot of lately. Now I am finding out because of health reasons and the aging process that I can't get rid of my anger in this way any more. This makes me feel sad and angry too. I guess I beat myself up physically getting rid of all my anger..So may be it wasn't such a good idea over the long term. It sure worked well though while I was able to do it. Turning anger it into sad just doesn't work well for me, kind of scary really. Even though there seems to always be some sad feeling involved with the anger. I think that sometimes it starts out as sad and then turns into anger and vice versa for me. I can't afford to let myself get really depressed so maybe the anger is a self preservation thing for me..

One thing I did try today was to get busy doing some lite work around the house today, not the kind where I am beating myself up or hurting myself and it seems to be helping..Kind of a positive release....

I wish I knew all the answers to the anger problem or the depression problem or what ever it is and what to do with it..These things are hard to figure out and it is a slow process..I am finding as I age I need to find different outlets for my emotions...

Red...

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4027

Without asserting myself, I think I've ended up feeling frustrated. I imagine unexpressed feelings create, as a popular analogy, a balloon which eventually bursts.

I wish I didn't give anger, which from an objective perspective, an emotion which should be similar to any other emotion, a special status.

Joy,love,frustration,anger,etc. need to all be expressed or I'll pay for it eventually as that balloon bursting.

Being afraid of imtimacy, which comes as a result of an expression of emotions over time, is scary too.

Withdrawal is an alternative which causes my becoming sad, though. I suppose life means I have need to "engage" to use the buzzword.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

First off, and these are all just my impressions, not dealing with anger increases anger. Of all the emotions there is only one that can be both negative and positive. And that is "sad". What I do with anger is pass it through sad to acceptance. When I am mad at something or someone, I look at how "sad" the situation is and then accept that there is nothing I can do about it since I am not willing to be violent. It is not gone, it is just changed to something more tolerable.

The other way of dealing with anger is transference. I can't do this to another person but I could do it to paper or the wood pile. It amounts to venting or venting it off.

My brother does this to me (or used too, we don't talk anymore because of this) It amounts to one person venting to another person and not letting them vent back. You get rid of the anger but the other person is left with it. Not fair.

Anger can be used to split wood or pull weeds but it could come back. I prefer the first way. Pass it through "sad" to acceptance. If it comes back, do it again.

It may not work for every situation, I don't know, my anger is not that bad. The worst form of anger I get is when it happens so fast I place it where it doesn't belong and then I add to it by getting angry with myself. Now that is sad. It shouldn't happen but it does. Lucky for me I can dissipate my anger by using sad so it never lasts long and very seldom comes back.

Going to study anger to see if there can be a chemical reason for it. Interesting thing how depressants can bring out hidden anger in mild personality people and those with dementia. Could it be they just have a better capability to block it. My dad when he got alzeimers became angry, very angry. In real life before that, he had a fair bit of stress and even though he was an alcoholic and I could see anger in his face often he never let it out. Maybe he learned how to control anger in the war. Maybe he too just used "sad". I don't know, he is dead now.

How do the other members treat there anger, or do they?

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 376

So.... how do you DO anger without hurting yourself or others? What do you do with it? What is healthy? Is there a lesson on dealing with anger in the program? I'm having trouble finding the answers on my own and having trouble focusing on the topic anyway.

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