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for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Sunny and Hugs.

I posted on another forum that we went to dinner last night for my son's birthday, I was nervous but managed to do it, it was close to home and I got through it. I thought I would feel great today but I feel very weak tired and sick, I woke up with a huge swollen gland in my neck which I dont get and I feel like I have a bit of a urinary infection, I ate too much last night I think, I have been eating very little lately I am drinking alot of water to flush my self out, I think I may have drank too much orange juice today, I know vitamin C is good for infections so I hope I did not overdo trying to get rid of the swollen gland.

I think I am nervous too my husband is having oral surgery tommorow and is going to be on pain killers and out of commision for a few days, I just need to feel good to take care of him and my son and pick up the slack anotherwords, I cant believe I picked something up just by going shopping Friday, I must have a virus or infection because I rarely if ever get a swollen gland, I am hoping it will go away. Trying to conquer the panic and depression and agorophobia is hard enough, but the health anxiety is really brutal!! It seems the others lessen at times but that one {health anxiety} is pretty constant and it takes away the thrill of the good things I did, like going shopping and eating at a restaurant, I am hoping the gland and urinary problem goes away today I need to be strong for my husband for awhile, I so wish I could get my energy back and not feel so weak and tired!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4027

One of the advantages of posting, is being able to see things more objectively, since they're not happening to us. It's a real gift to all of us, Debora, to see your change, and an inspiration.

Remember we all travel the same road eventually, and sometimes find our way back to that same road over and over...

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Way to go Debora! This is a great step forward and an equally great positive thought to add to that shopping bag. Yes, you did it. You wanted to do it and you were able to do it. This is a great success. Give yourself a big pat on the back. and hopefully, you gave yourself a reward for this successful exposure. The blouse? Good for you.

As for the dengue fever and west nile, I remember being worried about west nile. It was when I was very anxious and stressed out about a lot of things. Seems we are more vulnerable to negative thoughts at that time and that's why it is so important to think positive - switch it right away, don't let the negatives creep in.

Your husband may be saying it's no big deal for you to have gotten out to shop but bet he's proud as heck for you and will be grateful when he sees your son's happy face when he opens his gifts.

Take care, you're getting there!

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Davit

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

I did it! I went to the store tonight, a clothes store the first time since last December, all those months all I did was the corner grocery or drugstore or walk close to home, tonight I traveled out of my "safety zone" I did want to do it I was just afraid I was not able to do it and I am so glad I did do it and now maybe I can go again and to the library which I have missed since this disorder started, I was nervous but I did it, I know if I did not go for my son I would of felt SO bad so guility and weak as a Mom, I got bit by mosquitos today and was freaking out about west nile and dengue fever which is going around but I am trying not to think about that, especially tonight since I made some progress, I know people might not think its a big deal, just going shopping but I have not done this for almost a year, my husband wants me to do this during the day and I am working on it, in the evening its not as crowded and I feel more at ease, I just wanted to report some good news for a change.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

You don't "have" to do anything. You "want" to do it. Have to is negative. Want to is positive.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

thanks Sunny I needed that. I am very worried about the surgery and trying to think positive and stay strong and pray he is alright, he had to go off blood thinners for a few days because of it, its very risky and I am worried but I think thats normal.

I have to leave the house tonight to go to the store and get my son some gifts for his birthday Sunday, I am very nervous about this, I hope I can do it and not make a fool of myself, the agorophobia has been bad and I rarely leave the house except very close to home, but its his birthday and I have to do this, my husband does not want me to go but if I dont do it I will never do it I know, "face the fear and do it anyway" I just hope I can and I will let you know, if I can do this I know it will be such a huge step for me and progress, I just hope I can.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: wish I was 50 again! I had a lot of fun then, still do mind you. Yes you are more mature now, but not out of the game! I'm not surprised you are concerned about your husband's upcoming surgery. Any person would be concerned for a loved one going through this. No need to tell you worry and anxiety won't help in the outcome. We all know that. I myself am guilty of that at times. If you know you are doing your best to get well and be there for him and the family, give yourself a big pat on the back. Your love and gentleness toward your loved one will come through. Knowing someone loves us and supports us when we go for surgery, knowing that someone will be there when you come out, hold your hand and plump the pillows (you get what I mean), is so reassuring all by itself. And I know you will be doing this. Bless you!

My Dad had another saying which I remember, "You'd be surprised what a man can do when he has to". What he meant was that we have inner strengths we haven't even tapped into but they are there when needed.

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Vincenzia.

I guess I have to change my mindset about being "too old" to get better, as Ashely pointed out 50 is not that old and I dont know why I feel so sick tired and unhealthy and tired, the Doctor cant seem to pinpoint it. I think I am nervous about my husbands back to back surgeries coming up and whether I can rise to the occasion to help him, I just have too there is noone else to help us here. I try to hold on to hope and I want to live again happy peaceful and healthy, maybe I am impatient because its been close to a year of feeling so emotionally and physcially terrible, more time I need to heal I guess. thank you.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Debora,

I'm glad you found us too.

Once again reading your posts, I hear the hope you have and you are doing well working towards your goal! Having patience as you slowly heal is also important (although I know difficult to accept most times!). You said it so well yourself "I have a lot of living to do".

Tell yourself this each morning. Continue the great work!

Vincenza, Health Educator

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