Which is the worst evil for you? Apologizing or worrying about it. Apologizing may be painful but if you get closure as your therapist thinks you will it will be a big step forward. If you don't you will only be slightly worse than you are now. That will fade back to normal with the positive thought, "I was not ready, but I will be later". I wish you good luck in what ever your decision. Here to support you.
It's nice to read that you were for the most part happy with the results of your session. Anerol. If you are feeling badly about the next steps you have to take, maybe it is because you still feel hurt by the things that happened? When I reflect on painful experiences, I know that this can definitely give me a superbad feeling in my gut. Just a thought. I hope that you are able to get through this next step okay.
Today was my therapy session. I was less nervous then before and I didn't cry... I did get teary eyed but I was more calm today and I like my progress. My homework is to apologize to one of the persons I've cut out in my life but I have a bad feeling in my gut about it... is it just anxiety or other? Therapist says it's just to make closure for me and to help me move on and I can see that but still very nervous about it.
Another thought, is sometimes I wonder why I'm so upset. I feel like I just want to make amends so that we can all be happy again, and that side of me scares me too because I feel like I might be too forgiving. I'm really bad at being angry, I don't know how to do it and I feel guilty for it sometimes, which makes me afraid that I don't have any boundaries.
Thanks Davit! You always say the things I want to hear. Haha. But I had a hard time sleeping last night because of it. It is a big decision to make if I do do that. And I do still feel a lot of resentment to most of the people that I'm angry with. So it will take a lot of time anyway. She did really hit a delicate area for me so that is probably why I cried. I can see where it can take me at the same time, it's really not easy for me either yet. I have a lot of questions now running around in my head that I'll have ready for her next week.
Apologizing might be a bit much to start with besides it won't do much if you are still too angry to mean it. First you should do it in your mind and see how you feel. Do it till you can do it for real and really mean it. This is CBT in the form of changing thought patterns. Really meaning it is lasting just doing it because it helps is a bandaid. Still if you would like to apologize to see how it makes you feel as your therapist might have been aiming at you might want to do it. After all you can't fix something unless you know where it is broke.
Davit.
PS. Crying is a reaction to an emotion, It means something meant something to you. This is good. It won't always be like that.
Day 2 of therapy sessions. I thought I wasn't going to cry today but I
cried even more! And kept crying even after she left. But I guess it was
a cry of relief... she did catch me really off guard and I was really
overwhelmed by it. I have mixed emotions after the session but I am
liking the freshness of it all. She suggested I apologize to all the
people I'm angry at. Wow.. let's see how I can accomplish that and how
my pride will take it. But at this point I am eager to release myself..
and perhaps that is what it takes for me to release a lot of the pent up
energy aka underlying cause of my anxiety/agoraphobia.
Today was the therapy session... and it went OK. I was more amazed with my self that I was actually doing it that my mind went blank in between. But the therapist seems cool. I'll keep trying her out for a while. Even if she's not for me, I'm so happy that I have accomplished this and actually have someone to talk to other than family.
Debora, that would be great if you can find a woman too. I'm lucky mine is because I wanted to discuss woman body issues and ex-marriage stuff as well. I hope you can find one!
Hi Red! I'm glad you are keeping up with you quilting and finding satisfaction from it and your life. Very inspiring!
