Its so nice to hear from my two ladies Sunny and Carmie.
I could not get internet access yesterday our computer was down all day I wanted to write you both back and thank you and tell you I got through the night alright, it was not easy but I did it and they had a great time so all went pretty well yesterday.
Today not so good. My period started and I know its going to be 3 or 4 days of cramping bleeding and tiredness, I hope that does not sound negative, I guess it is what it is, but I ALWAYS seem to go down during it even through I try to think positive, its on time this month {for once} not late some I am hoping it wont be as bad, very bad night of cramping and I am so tired from the flow and hormones, may it pass quickly, I am going to try to ignore it, but it makes me feel so tired and bad.
My therapist came today and it did not go well. He came half an hour early and I was dripping wet in a towel so I had to make him wait at the door for five minutes, he also had a cold and I am so mad he came sick, that is all I need is a bad cold on top of my period, I always stay home when I am sick, I hope I do not catch it because it always goes into broncitis, so I am praying I dont get it. I think its "run its course" with him, I asked him if he noticed my hair and he said it looked "different" which I dont think is a compliment, I deep conditioned and colored it last week and I think it looks much better, he said "you need to brush it out" and that made me angry, it would of been brushed had he not come a half an hour early, I just got out of the shower, I thought that should of not been said, he seems out of sorts with me because I guess he feels like I should be better. He said "you really fear dying dont you?" and I do but that is what I am seeing him for, my phobias and fears, its been almost a year, maybe its time for a change, its just SO hard to find someone in the evening or too come to the house, my husband leaves the house at 6:00am and does not get home till 6:00pm and I dont have a car or drive, I wish I could find a woman therapist that worked late but I tried and so far no luck, I do not feel comfortable talking to a man about my periods or other intimate things, our insurance is limited but I will try, I get the feeling he wants it too end too, so I may stop it next month, the insurance will run out anyway so that will be a good excuse. I so so wanted therapy to help me and it has not.
I am sorry I sound negative, my period always drags me down, all I want to do is sleep, I am older now and I guess its harder too get through. This too will pass hopefully. I hope everyone is doing well. Please write back when you can.
