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Not wanting to get better

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12

All good posts and and even better advice. I know most of us say that we would like to be back to "normal", so to speak, but that is NOT going to happen. Why, you ask? Because when we gain control of our PA's (and we will), we will better than our old "normal" selves. We will have coping skills, strength, and a mastery of our emotions, including fear, that most people would kill for. We will be better than our old selves. And remember, "as a man thinketh, so is he." You are who you THINK you are, because the mind dictates our everything.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 25

im glad you see that Lucy :o) you just gotta keep in mind, one of the common thing that comes with all of this, is that you think you will not enjoy anything, and you tend to then advoid things...makeing it worse. Thats the big think a lot of people (including me) need to see... we all used to love to have a "normal" life..and there is nothing to fear with that. I still love the saying "there is nothing ot fear but fear itself" I know its easier said than done. But once you relize "hey there are things I enjoy, not matter how small" you are now on the road to a full recovery I wish you the best Kevin

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

Hey! These are all such good points. Thanks everyone. I like the idea that my goals are easier than other peoples', cos it's true - I do want a good but simple life like Derium said, and thinking 'kiss my a$$' is kind of a funny but useful way of thinking about being assertive and Smudga, it is true (I realised last night) that there are good things in the world cos even doing the dishes is enjoyable. I'm glad I posted.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Lucy! I too was a VERY shy individual most of my life, adult and childhood included. Part of the reason I'm a lot less shy now is because of my PA's, and part of it is my wife. I've learned that shyness and PA's are a much more horrible combination than PA's alone, because you feel more secluded and you feel like you are a deserted island all by yourself. I've gotten better because I got tired of being mistreated and pushed around by people and not listened to. That's where my wife came into the picture. She has always been an outspoken person, and she encourages me to stand up to people and bot be "ran over" by them. Basically, she just started telling me that the people who were mean to me for me to tell them to kiss my a$$, so to speak. (not literally, you know what I mean;)) Just that little bit of assertiveness actually helped me a lot with my PA's. So I say be nice, but start telling people to "kiss your a$$"!

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 25

also remember it MAYBE the fact your depressed, and supressed. I am stuck in a rut of sitting at my home all day, and when I want to go out I think "there is nothing to do out there", but I think back when I didnt have this problem and I ALWAYS found soemthing exciting to do...so I know right there it is just depression due to my situation thts doing it. It might not be the same with you, but once you start to mentaly give up the world becaomes dark and depressing..you have to find the will to do it. Just hink how great it would be to live in a home with a loved on, taking kids on vacations and even just mowing the lawn talking with the people on your block about the day...thats a normal life! and thats what we all want...in one sence WE have it better. Because a "normal" person is not happy unless the complete collage, get a good paying job and own a lot of stuff....but for us we would be happy just not having these problems...so keep in mind, our goals are easier then the "normal" person. Im sorry if that did not make much sence, but I have such a hard time putting this into words...when its such a jumble in my own brain.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Lucy! There are so many things in life that are enjoyable. I'm a big believer in that we should all do what we want to do and be what we want to be. If you don't want to go on long bus rides then don't. If you don't like the place you work at then quit. You only live once!

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

For example, in my first post I know that I could have thought 'The world is my home, I'm safe there' instead of 'The world is tough'. But frankly, bus trips are tiring, I don't especially like my work, etc. I don't want to 'positive think' myself into a place where I'm capable of pleasing other people, if you get what I mean.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

By the way, I've read books about assertiveness, done loads of CBT work on this issue, had therapy and so on but I still seem to end up slipping back into the same rut. I understand the theory of not seeking approval, love addiction and so on, but I can't seem to put it into practise.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

Hi everyone. This post was really long but I deleted most of it. My basic point was, the world is so tough and I'm so shy and get tired so easily - and all the time I want to please people and be good and capable but really, I am not that capable. I don't want to have to take long bus trips every day and do courses I don't like or work somewhere where I'm afraid of the boss, when I get better. How do you deal with this sort of thing? How do you plan your life when you get better from agoraphobia so that you won't start drinking too much again, working too hard, having a mean boyfriend, doing all the things that make you stressed out, if you're kind of shy?

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Not wanting to get better