Because I didn't want it to get lost because it is to important to forget..Taking those first steps are so important. I sure remember those first steps too..Now that is a positive thought worth keeping and the memory of those first steps will propel you on your journey when doing cbt..It does me..
I forgot to mention that all agoraphobia can be traced back to some time when you did not have control. Often it is hidden partially or wholly till a trauma even remotely related triggers it and allows it control. Even at that it can control how you feel with out it being obvious. You may even think it is obvious while the real reason remains hidden because the trauma is just too painful to remember so you fill in memory with something you can tolerate that is close to the truth. You can only tell if this is happening by looking close to see if any of it is missing and this will give you the root. The rest is association and may not even look like it should be but remember it is about control and that broadens association. And you do know the root of your trauma. And you know what triggered it. Now to change how you think about it.
I'm going to point out a key to curing Agoraphobia. It is the difference between want to and have to. In the store you did what you did because you wanted to and knew you would be safe doing it. You may think you did it because you have to for exposures sake but it is not true. It is not exposure if you want to verses have to. It is not exposure if you feel comfortable. (I can feel people disagreeing with me) Exposure is a marker of how well you handle something you don't normally do and in this sense it was not a failure since you handled it well. And I'm happy for your success. Do you see the difference between "want to" and "have to". Want to is positive and gives you control of the situation, any situation.
Have to is negative and gives control of the situation to the situation with no out or safe escape for you.
If you "want to" you can expose yourself to any 'have to" situation knowing you are in control and can leave if you want to rather than have to. Try it. Pick something you don't want to do but have to and do it because you "want to". Start small and stop when you feel you no longer have control. And end this situation with a positive thought, always a positive thought. My positive thought was always "I won". Never ever think "is this all I can do", that is negative and sets you up for failure because that is what you will remember. You want the success no matter how small in your memory for next time. This is part of CBT and it works it is changing thought patterns.
I went to the store today with a family member and actually stepped away from her and went off to get things I needed. It felt good to be able to get some shopping done even though I knew she was there and would be over in the section I was in sooner or later, but, I did it. Small steps I know but before I wouldn't have been able to go off on my own, I would have followed her around or drug her to where I needed to get something. Smiling feels so good.
