Unlike some of the others my fears seem pretty specific. In my job I am forced to talk to people quite a bit and for the longest time this never affected me. Of late though, my responsibilities have increased and I find myself having to talk to more important people in the company and this for some reason has become my focus of panic. I feel like I'm playing russian roulette in my job and any day there is a small chance I might have to stand in front of them and do my job...being judged.
Because of this, rather than just have that moment of fear and stress, every day has become full of dread knowing that might be the day I'm forced to confront this and its making even worse.
My mind is racing with ways to avoid or get out of it but I do want to confront this. At worst its 30 seconds of doing my job and yet I know for a fact my heart will be racing, my palms sweating, my voice shaking, my knees wobbling. Everything in my body will tell me to run but somehow I have to sit there and finish. I know this because I have the same problem if I ever dare try to get a haircut, or try to stand up and introduce myself to a group of people. It always starts with a what if and before I know it I've turned the simplest task into this horrible ordeal.
I do want to fix this so bad. I know the first part of the program says it can't kill you and what not but I swear its like a long workout feeling this way most of the time. I'm just so tired of worrying and here it is 6am.
