Hi.
I posted here sporatically in the last few years with regards to my anxiety/panic disorder. Lots of "life" got in the way and last year I had a really bad setback that took me out of work for six months. The only good thing that came out of it was I realized that my job was dead-end and I went back to school. (I'm 20). I was so terrified to go back to college because I had such a rough time with high school but I did it. I've been going to classes for six months now, 1.5 hours away on the bus and have been doing okay. I have a few bad days here and there but otherwise I'm coping okay.
The last few days have been progressively horrific. I can't explain why at all, but I've been crying since Sunday and my anxiety level is SO high. It is a general knot in my stomach that translates into diarrhea (sorry for the graphic) but I feel so full of dread and despair I can barely sleep. I just couldn't make it to class today and on Tuesday, I had to get my dad to come pick me up from school because I couldn't handle the bus that day. What is the matter with me???? I'm so upset. I DON'T want to go down this road again and I feel like I'm dwelling on that, making my anxiety worse.
I think that some of the problem is that my dog died last March and it was really sad and broke my heart. I'm studying to be a veterinary assistant and last week we had to cover the topic of euthanasia. It really hit me hard even though it has been a year since he died. My dad is also getting married in two weeks, and while i'm happy and I really like the lady, my parents have only been separated for four years and divorced for less than 1 year. It really hurts and I don't know why.
I'm just trying to hang on and cope here, I DONT want to setback to far and I think all the emotions coming up are scaring me for some reason.
Thank you for letting me vent, I just hate this constant despair and panicky feeling.
Jen
