Hi everyone. I havent been on here in a long while, but I'm having another one of those episodes and its really bad. Even though I'm really knowledgable of the symptoms and such, (havent really gone through the program, but am familiar with it) I worry that I just cant cope. See, I wish I could get anxious about normal things, but my anxiety is always based on the most irrational and out of control stuff, like my breathing, blinking, just the thought of making my head explode over God knows what, even God and the concept of not understanding what happens after death scares me, its these thoughts that cycle around me most of the time and I get so scared b/c its not what it seems most people are anxious about and as a result couldnt be treated as well. I worry that if I take the whole program that eventually it wont work for me and I'll go back to feeling worse again. The funny thing is I'm able to force myself out of bed to goto work and then drive to school, yet these thoughts are out of control, plaguing me day and night. Maybe I'm just on edge right now and my anxiety levels need to go back down, so I can feel hungry and have a sex drive again. Its happened before, but everytime it happens I feel like its not going to go away. I'm just really scared and I hope I'm not alone with these particular thoughts. Its like my mind has a mind of its own (as silly as that sounds) I don't like feeling this way, all sick and freaky, but I can't seem to get a grip and accept that my body takes care of itself, it breathes and blinks and keeps me balance without me having to focus on it, and that there is a God and he loves me and wont let me fall and that I dont need to worry about what is out of my control.
