I just struggle because during normal conversations she blames nerves for everything. I could break a leg and she would say it was because of my nerves. 

I think this comes from the fact that she has had mental health issues all her life. I remember being looked after by a wonderful neighbour while my mother was locked in her bedroom for months at a time. She seems to get mad at me because I am her only child that hasn't told her that I am struggling with anxiety etc. It's my secret and yours here :) My 2 sisters have been medicated for their depression/anxiety and one was hospitalized. I do struggle too but don't share it with them. They have no idea about anything. I don't share anything with any of them but they call me and tell me every thing. I think it bothers my mom that I don't have the same issues as them.

She has always gotten mad and put me down whenever I tried to better myself. She mad fun of me for returning to college after my daughter was in school. At one point she warned my husbands family that I wasn't good enough for them!

Sadly my Mother is poison but yes, she did give me life. Now I just need to take it for myself and leave her out of it which is sad because I love my Dad so much. He is a saint!

Thanks for the advice....should I call Oprah? ;)

Sunflower

Hi Sunflower,

 

Family issues are tough to address! Some people struggle with resentment and anger towards parents for years and years. You have received some great advice from the members and I wish I had the perfect thing to say to make everything easier but unfortunately I do not. I have talked to some people about family issues over and over and over again without coming to a final resolution. It is true that you cannot change a person and if your mother has been calling depression "nerves" for sometime now I doubt that she will change any time soon.

 

How have you talked to her about this? How do you want to talk to her about this? I have a hunch you already have tried a lot in order to come to terms with her. If this is the case, how can YOU come to terms with this? How can you change your patterns of interacting with her and your perception so that they are not as damaging? Although she cannot change, you can! Remember no one has the power to make you feel a certain way; you have a choice. How can you stop the cycle?

 

Sunflower painter,

 

So sorry to hear your day is not turning out so well..I have had a lot of those days myself lately and don't feel like I am getting the support I need sometimes too..I can't give you any advice on how to deal with your mother..I know it can be hard..My mother did some very destructive things to me in the past. You would think that since she has passed it would not hurt me anymore but it still does..so you see even when they are out of our lives we still feel the pain. I think that maybe we still need to learn how to feel our emotions about what has happened and come to some resolution about it all within ourselves..Make peace with it all in some way..Thats a tall order I know but I think it might be worth working on...

I am hoping one or several of the Educators here will read this thread and offer us some guidance and lead us in a positive direction with all of this..

 

Hang in there Sunflower.

Its a new day..

Today may be better..

 

Red...

 

 

 

My Dad is easier to be around than my Mom.  My Mom is a very controlling, nervous, fearful, worrier.  Her childhood was chaos, so that's why she is the was she is.  Over the years, I've learned that my Mom will never change, but my attitude toward her has.  I can now accept her for who she is and allow her to be herself and not try to change her.  What I have found is to focus on all of the good things about a person and ignore and take lightly the things that are wrong.  We all have things that are wrong with us.  The reason why the people closest to us, irritate us more, is because we are around them more.  Some times  limiting visits help.  I have become less and less angry with my Mom, to the point where I can enjoy her.  Even if it seems there is nothing lovable about a person, there are still positive things about them.  Mom's gave us life and they are doing the best they can.  Some people wish there Mother's were around, even if they are irritated by them.  I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty.  I'm just trying to help everyone to look at things from a different perspective.  My Mom irritates me at times, but I keep thinking, she won't be around forever.  Respecting our parents, for being parents, doesn't mean we like everything they did.  I tried to raise my daughter the opposite of how I was raised.  I was raised to be dependent and I raised my daughter to be independent.  I always thought I was a good Mother, until my daughter mentions something, she thinks I did wrong in raising her.  You can't win :) :) :)  She's said and done some unkind things to me recently, but I love her anyway and choose to focus on her good qualities and let go of the hurtful things.  We're all trying to get through life the best we can with what we know.  Some of our skills are better than others.  As with everything in life, it's easier said than done, but replacing a negative perspective with a positive perspective is the way to try and handle things in life.  Forgiveness is key in having peace.  Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did to us was okay, it just means sincerely letting go.  Unforgiveness doesn't hurt the other person, it only hurts ourselves.  I know...another thing we have to change about ourselves.  Wouldn't it be easier if everyone would change themselves, so we wouldn't have to :) :) :) , but unfortunately that's not how life works.  The world and people don't change for us, so we have to change our mind sets to adapt to the world and people.  The key is focus on the positive in all people, things, and circumstances.  

Shari

SP,

I've only told people who I've been in a group about my experiences.  Society in my town, just hasn't caught up yet.   I think I'm learning to make boundries for different things for different people.

 

I don't expect people to "change" in some areas, so why risk my valuable mental health?  Some people can't even handle physicals ills, so I just move accept people as they are.

 

Let's let Oprah(Winfrey) change the world, since she has the resources

Now when I try to just talk about issues she labels me again. Today, for example, my neighbours pot smoke was filling up my house which made me nauseous and headachy. I complained about it and my mother said "your nerves are really bad tonight". 

I just got frustrated and said I had to go. I am really sick of it. It makes me wonder if I don't have any issues at all. Maybe I am more normal than I thought?

I wonder if anyone else out there is struggling with lack of support? I know of a few here. How can I cut off the relationship? I don't want her in my life as she is so negative and cruel but I love my Dad and want to be able to still see him.

Not sure what to do and am not having a good day at all.

Sunflower.