Hugs
Are you fishing here? Just so you can find out if you are right without asking?
I'm going to tell you what I see on the condition you accept that because this is the internet I have limited perspective. We have never gone for coffee so I could draw out the real hugs into the day light. All I can see is what you give us here.
I see a person who picks up his feelings from his surroundings.
I see a person negative enough to pick out the negative in them as important. (they are not other than that they are there)
I see a person who wants to change but doesn't know how. (going round in circles looking for the answer always picking it out from the past) (your job is still influencing you)
I see a chronic worrier. Strongly using core beliefs as solutions and controls.
I see a person who wants to do it his way but is conditioned to give in to others. (it shows in your gardening)
I see a person so used to thinking others are right that he doesn't know when they are wrong and he is right anymore.
I see a person tugged between pleasing others and trying to please himself. (doing things alone so they can't take over) (walks, treadmill, gym)
I see a person who can't start a relationship because he fears he is not normal or special enough.
I see a person who subconsciously repeats things he is either proud of or ashamed of. (I don't know which it is.)
I see a good person trying hard to be one.
I see a frustrated person who takes life too serious.
This is what you project to me, you might be none of them in reality. I am also some of these things too.
Davit