When do you feel like you've made it...like your safe...you won't go back. When do you start to trust yourself. When do you REALLY not want it anymore? When is something not missing anymore? I am 34 years old and I have been smoking for 20 years. Last time I quit was 2 years ago, cold turkey for 3 months. This time I found out that I was borderline for osteoporosis. So it came down to what was more important to me. And I have made my decision. I know I am stronger mentally/emotionally than I was 2 years ago, I am more honest with myself. But the truth is I really liked smoking, and I was good at it....good with coffee, good after a movie, good with conversation....oh my favorite...(coffee, cigarette, phone, and a good debate) Don't get me wrong....I like that I can smell...(except for the dog) I like that this morning I noticed my face looked rosy, my hair is softer, I feel better when I wake up....all of this in a short time too. In the course of my life, I was lucky enough to have spent 5 fives going to Al-anon meetings and working a program. My ex-husband was an addict/alcoholic. And some of my best friends are people from AA with 10+ years sobriety. So I know this is no different than any other addiction, and I know every one's experience is different. Actually the only difference in addiction is how unmanageable your drug of choice makes your life. So when will the time come that I know I am a non-smoker, when I am safe from temptation? Cause I know it could just take one 5 years from now....when do you start trusting yourself? p.s I do feel good today...and I have only had one really strong urge...(during E.R. last thur.) and I am on chantix. (and that is whole big other issue with me) Chantix, I feel has really made this easy...so now I am afraid to stop taking it...and I know I can't take it forever. Well actually when I quit cold Turkey it was not too hard...but back then I was playing one of those head games with myself..and not thinking of it as in FOREVER. Or is it with each time you try to quit you get closer to really doing it...and when you are really ready it is not as hard??? Sorry for all the questions, trying to gain some wisdom from those who have "arrived" [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 6 [B

Hi Pea: I know that I have "arrived", as you put it, in that I know I will not smoke again. But to be honest, I think I reached that point some time ago. There was no magic moment that somehow crystallized as "this is the day, the moment that I know I am now a non-smoker". It's more that while I do still have times where I think a cigarette would be nice, my anti-addiction voice just automatically kicks in. I know there is NOTHING "nice" about having a cigarette. So, it's the mindset, the determination that I finally understand what this addiction has done to me and I will NOT allow it back into my life by trying to fool myself into thinking there is ANYTHING positive about smoking. I know better -- and so do you! If I have a thought about smoking, I can now easily replace it with many more thoughts about why I shouldn't, couldn't, and more importantly, WOULDN'T give in. Does that make sense to you? It comes down, I believe, to a solid determination that I WILL win at all costs. That addiction WILL NOT get one more minute from me. Your knowledge and experience with addictions will help you if you continue to remind yourself how insidious an addiction can be and how much stronger YOU are than ANY addiction. You can do this -- you're off to a great start, Pea. Keep the faith -- and your determination and strength! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 127 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,100 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1016 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24

Pea, The question you raised is a good one. It goes beyond the actual breaking of the addiction and into the maintenance of living your life smoke free. For some, that is much harder than actually breaking the addiction. The trust issue for me was one of the hardest to deal with because I had 3 slips (the last one being 470+ days ago). Each time, I thought I was "in the clear" and wouldn't ever smoke again... but I did. So being able to trust myself after that was very hard. I don't think there was a specific moment in time when I said, "I trust myself!" but I DO remember the time when I knew that I would never smoke again... I bought cigarettes, with every intention of smoking them, but couldn't do it, so I destroyed them all one by one. From them on, I just KNEW that I wouldn't smoke again... but I still didn't trust myself completely because I'd had that thought that I KNEW I wouldn't smoke before... but did. So for me, it took a while. I guess, after countless times of being in situations where I could smoke, but didn't, I finally began to trust myself. BUT, I will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER let my guard down!!! I know that I am an addict and as such, I am one cigarette away from a lifetime of smoking. I still, on occasion, feel tempted... that feeling of "I could SO smoke right now!" and yet, know that I won't (the last time that happened was on my 1 year anniversary... so about 100 days ago). And I know of people who have quit for 10+ years who went back to smoking, so it is definitely possible and that you're never truly "in the clear." But the good news is that I DO trust myself now. I trust myself to go out with smokers, to drink heavily (on semi-rare occasions), and even have cigarettes in my possession and have 100% confidence that I will not smoke them... but that feeling of true trust came very late for me. I think the biggest factor in trusting yourself is accepting that you don't smoke. Smoking must not be an option. Once you've been in enough situations where you COULD smoke, but don't, after a while, you just start to gain a little more trust... and then a little more... until finally, you don't question yourself anymore. It's like a little baby who's learning to walk. They don't just walk and then it's done an

Pea, Thanks for sharing your story and know that it will help others! Always check with your doctor and pharmacist regarding medications and side effects. All members have wonderful wisdom and knowledge to offer. We hope to hear from those seasoned members and make sure we all share our experiences :) Josie ____________________ The SSC Support Team.