It takes a lot of work to come to this realization without denial, blame or other defense mechanisms. The fact that you are able to reflect on this so honestly and bravely really shows how far you have come in your quit. Awesome work. Thank you for sharing your insights with us.
I tend to rush in my daily life, too. I'm trying hard to work on this, but I just like to get things done quickly and feel accomplished.
Last year, I fell into my garage and broke my foot. I felt so stupid, getting hurt just by rushing with an armload of laundry! It was humbling to hobble around for 6 weeks... and I even missed my cousin's wedding.
I'm glad you're ok. This injury will slow you down a bit, and give you time to think. Good things will come of your stumble, you'll see.
So glad that you are okay. I remember well the rationalizing of falls, careless accidents, bad behaviour etc etc. It is a wonderful thing to begin to be grateful for being sober. For me, it shifted the perspective from what I was missing to all the possibilities opening up. It allowed me to see that taking good care of myself was possible and in fact essential to my well being.
Yesterday I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and felt great. I slept well and continue to go strong with remaining AF. Since I felt so refreshed I decided to get up and had already planned a very productive day. I have a terrible habit of not only moving too fast but of also, doing so in the dark. Well, as I descended the stairs in my usual hurried manner, I missed a step and went crashing down unceremoniously hitting the floor. I lay there in agony for a good while before taking inventory. I was pretty bruised and discovered my second toe to be at a very odd angle. I cursed myself for being so careless.
As I lay there, I started to marvel at the number of times I avoided this same fate while being drunk. Suddenly, rather than feeling sorry for myself, I was so very grateful that I was sober. I started to play out scenario's in which I could have been wasted and having to wait to seek care in order to sober up. I knew that x-rays needed to be taken and if I had to wait another day, it would have been obvious. Of course, embarrassing questions would ensue.
The accident caused me grief to be sure...waiting hours in Urgent Care is never fun, however it also served to give me a wake-up call. I was putting myself in harms way every time I drank alone whether it was a tumble down stairs, preparing a late night snack and passing out with the stove on, running out of booze and going for a drunk run, or possibly having a booze induced aneurysm or heart attack. The possibilities are endless and each one avoidable. I knew then that I really couldn't bear the scrutiny of family and friends.
Sobriety is hard work but now I believe being a drunk is even harder.
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