We have talked about my birthday. I told him I wanted to do something. It seems like he just doesnt listen, which makes me feel devalued. I've discussed it with him before in what I thought was very calm and clear in the "i feel" statements, but he gets defensive bc he was in a relationship before that the woman was always upset w/him all the time. He listens to the point that he can repeat what I say when I ask if he is listening to me, but then cant remember an hour later about something. If it was something small I wouldnt care, but its big stuff like a house that I want to buy from my grandmother's estate he forgot I told him she owned. I honestly just feel that if he cant pay attention for that kind of stuff then why should I say again for the *I lost count*th time that I feel upset because he does not listen? I feel like I'm done beating my head against the wall.
I can certainly see why you would feel frustrated and let down! It
sounds like your boyfriend isn't make a big milestone in your life a
priority - that is hurtful especially when you may feel he should be the
one to care the most.
I'm curious why you don't feel like talking to him about this? What
is making you not want to talk to him about this? The most important
part of any relationship is communication and if you are not honestly
and openly communicating that you are hurt then how can it be fixed? He
needs to know how his actions make you feel. You deserve to be able to
express how you feel. You also deserve to enjoy your 30th birthday with
your partner - even if it means a compromise from both of you.
Check out the section on relationships and resolving disputes -
there are some good communication tips there that may help you if you
decide to talk to him about this.
I'm very annoyed, and feeling very lonely today bc of the situation with my boyfriend. He decided that he wasnt going to take my bday off this Sunday. He also asked me last night if I minded if he went shooting on Saturday, the only day that we have off together this weekend (takes up half the day, and he couldve gone on Friday when I work). I had told him recently I wanted to go to the beach. He also said that this weekend is going to be low key because of budget stuff, and he just bought a $1600 shotgun. We've been going out for 1 1/2 years.
I dont feel like telling him that I dont want him to go shooting, or that I'm irritated that he wouldnt even switch days with someone. And if he can afford to buy a shotgun, he could do something for my bday since I'm turning 30 this weekend. I was thinking it was going to be exciting and fun, and here I am annoyed and dont know how to get out of this frustration. Anyone have any ideas? I cant even decide what I want to do, but want to make plans without him and spend it away since he doesnt seem to mind not spending time with me.
