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for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Iman,

Thanks for updating us. It sounds like things are really working out, you must be really proud of yourself for being there for your fiance through this. I hope things continue to go well and that the move goes smoothly. Check in again soon!

Samantha, Health Educator

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Happy to hear that things are looking up. Glad to hear that she's gotten some peace of mind and is more stable. I know she must feel better as well. So it is satisfying to hear that you are both happy. Please continue to keep us updated. Take things a day at a time when combining families and have lots of patience. lol, I've been there, done that. It just takes time.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 5

Well, wanted to come on and give you all an update. I went with my fiance to the Doctor and sat in the meeting and listened to what was said. The doctor asked me alot of what I thought was going on and what I may have seen. I was glad to sit there and listen and share with the doctor. Finally the doctor changed the medication and perscribe Lithium to handle the mood. I know that the doctor was initial thinking BiPolar but I was relieved that he only wanted the medication to be a small tiny amout to handle the moods swings.

We went to New Years party and it was awesome. I wanted to see if the medication would have had some side effects,but for the most part its been really good. She is pleasant to be around, calm and sensual if you will. It is nice to see the woman I knew that was still in there. Only needing a little help to get back out.

It been a little while and things are ok. There are moments when she is flustered and it gets tense. She just go's for a moment and gets right back out. We have a big move coming up with our two familys coming together for one. Im excited but cautious to watch the signs unfolding.

Anyhow wanted to send a quick update....will be back for sure,

lman

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Inman, was good to get the update. I hope the psych will let you stay in there. Mine will let someone go in with me if I sign a release; you may ask about that and how she feels before you get there. I will be watching for an update.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Iman,

It is good to hear that your partner has booked an appointment to the doctor. She is making a step towards getting better and you are being supportive by agreeing to go with her. As you said you are committed and dedicated to staying by her side and helping in any way that you can. Continue to update us and let us know how things go. We are here to support you and offer feedback.

Samantha, Health Educator

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 5

Fallabe12

Thanks for the nice words...It seems that you make alot of sense. I hear my thoughts when I read your words saying " Thats exactly what its like " I have to say that I have alot of strenght and after seeing that " There can be light at the end of the tunnel " I am staying focused and positive.

Christmas was hard for us all the family and kids over. The maddness (LOL) It seems that there must be a up turn in her emotions. She tells me that she feels good. I know that in conversations with her that there are lows and highs. Its not knowing when the low is going to happen that bothers me.When it comes its not a slow decrease. In fact it go's right of the the reservation and seems that it go's longer and longer inbetween the highs.

I have been reading alot and trying to cope the best I can. It seems that my problems is I feel helpless. I know I shouldn't feel this way , but I do. I go days and days with no physical contact. no emotional feelings that it effects me. I know its the depression and like I said I hope for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I managed to get her to call her Doctor and is going to have an a appoitment with the Phyc. on Tuesday. I am going with her. I hope he lets me stay in the room so that I can hear and show my dedication to this. So I will let you all know how it go's..

Thanks for reading......

lman

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

Iman,

I meant to add that if your partner continually stop and starts the medication or takes it for a while and then stops all together, she certainly will not get better. Medication needs time to work (anywhere from 2-8wks, depending on the med), and it is important to stay on the meds, even if it seems things are better. This is a mistake lots of people make. They start feeling better, so they stop their meds, and they are right back where they started. She needs to take the meds for a while and she needs to stay on them (no missed doses or stopping).

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 50

Iman,

I feel your pain in your written words here. Your detailed description of how this is making you feel sounds so scarily similar to what my boyfriend feels. He almost broke up with me recently because he said he can't do it anymore. He was tired of being yelled at. He was tired of the ups and downs. I too, have threatened many times to leave him and claimed I didn't want to be with him. But both he and I knew the truth. No matter how many times I have told him that the negative, withdrawn side is not me, he still takes some of my hurtful comments seriously. A week ago, I patched things up with him. I swore to change, that I loved him and that I can't imagine being without him. He stayed with me through the good and bad, but everyone reaches their limit. And it seems you are near your limit, as well.

Suffering through depression, for me, has been so horrible. I always say what I don't mean and act impulsively when I am angry. It is after I am done being angry that I see things clearly. It is like something takes over me. Some unknown force. And the person who enters is not me. Its an impostor....someone posing as me. It comes just as quickly as it goes. I can be good anywhere from a few days to a few months, but, in the end, it always comes back.

You mentioned her being on medication. Well, how many medications has she tried? You said that meds don't work, but, are you sure that she has given medication a fair shot. Sometimes you have to try many different meds, despite its long and exhausting process, until you find the one that works. Also, if her meds aren't working, she may be taking meds that don't treat her condition. If she has more issues than just depression, or has been given an incorrect diagnosis, then it is very possible that the meds she is taking will continue to not work for her.

As far as side effects, yes, weight gain, unfortunately, is a side effect in a lot of them. However, not all of them have weight gain as a side effect.

Also, counseling is different than therapy/psychiatric treatment for mental disorders and illnesses. I am unsure if you have gone though those as well, or if you have only done counseling. One method of treatment I have heard of is ECT (electro convulsive therapy, aka: shock therapy), which is used to treat patients who have tried all other forms of therapy and do not respond to medication. But this is an emergency/last resort option and I'm unsure about its level of effectivity, but, I don't think it has long-lasting effects.

In the end, you can only hold on as long as you can. If she doesn't change and there isn't any hope of her changing, then you might consider leaving her. As hard as it is, you cannot let her bring you down, or keep you from focusing on your work and your children. And if you can't leave her, then stay by her side and urge her to go for more help (possibly some hospitalization). She can go for group therapy, where other just like her can interact and lean on each other for support.

Good luck to you and I hope your family gets the healing they need.

Fallabe12

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Iman, I have been diagnosed with Major Depression since 2004 (was struggling prior to that) but the initial diagnosis was then. I was not in a relationship when the depression 'hit me" and did not try to engage in a relationship until I felt I could handle it. That was about 6 months ago. The guy I am dating works in a position where he has a good understanding of depression and it's effects and he works with people on a daily basis. I, too, understand working with people with depression and now having experienced myself, have a different outlook and some insight.

I don't know if I was as ready to have a relationship as I thought I was ....however, I'm enjoying the time I spend with him and getting to know someone more intimately has been a positive in my recovery.

I encourage you to learn, learn and learn about how you can help her - work through this program - for YOU - and learn to take care of YOU. That is very important. If you don't take care of YOU then it won't matter about her. I do think you require her to do her part in her recovery - take her meds, go to therapy (whatever the dr. says). If she's not willing to try to put forth the effort; then you can't "fix" her. I think fallable said that best in her post.

I know at times I feel guilty for the things I put my new found friend through (because I wouldn't have responded or acted that way pre-depression). However, he has a choice - to stay and deal with me and those situations or to leave - and so far, he's chosen to stay. He recognizes that choice as well. It is important to remember no matter how intertwined your lives become/are you have a choice.

Good look and I look forward to seeing you around and reading your posts.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hello Iman, I just finished reading through your post, and I can see that you are a bit frustrated and confused.

You mentioned that you do want to marry her, and she responds that maybe she does not know if she feels the same way about you. If you know that this is not her talking, what makes you feel scared then? Maybe if you can better understand where this scared feeling comes from, you will be able to overcome it.

You have a lot on your plate right now (working, taking care of yourself, your children, and your finance) and all this may be overwhelming and adding stress to your relationship. But what about the good times you spoke about when you travel together? Obviously there is the passion, excitement and energy which you mentioned that is possible in this relationship. From what you have been saying, it seems to me that you do love her very much and you would like this relationship to work.

As for the paddling in different directions, and what to do when you feel like you have tried everything and nothing is working, I'm not exactly sure what to say, since I do not know you two or your situation personally. All I can say is that if you do want to continue this relationship it is important to understand depression the best you can, and most importantly remember that it takes a lot of time, and patience to support a loved one going through it. Maybe you can try to share these feelings, in a gentle, loving way with your fiance, when she is having a good day.

Members do you have any suggestions on how Iman could talk to his fiance about his feelings, without hurting hers? Please share your experiences with us.

Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator

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