Wow - thank you Davit1, Ray, and Courage for your responses. Not like I would wish these things on anyone, but somehow it's nice to have the company. Thanks for the smiles as well. :)
I'm back to work on Module 5, and I am happy to report that I have been making progress since starting this program - so, thank you, Tiana for your help with this resource!
I've been making small steps in a bunch of different arenas - light exercise; eating better (eating fruit + cooking most of my food = *such* a vast improvement on my mood); I picked up a light temp job last week, and I haven't been late so far (!!); and I've been consistent about taking a daily low-dose antidepressant (started on the same day as this prgm).
So yeah, multiple changes/factors. The main victory so far is that my heart hasn't been instantly speeding up when I encounter an adverse event; that has been a tremendous problem until I finally got tired of being afraid all the time! I'm happy that I have many options to explore to work through this!
This is such a great and important topic! Thanks for starting this thread!
It's normal to be afraid of change, even good changes! Sometimes is easier to stick with the 'known'- you probably are familiar with the old saying 'the devil you know is better than the devil you don't'. Please try not to be afraid to find out how much better life can be without your old pal depression hanging around! And often change comes with the idea that maybe we can't do it, or maintain it. That pressure can make us want to sit tight, go with the status quo. Again, I'm glad you are all willing to try and explore the other side. We are here for you, and probably many others in your lives are as well. And I'm thinking you all have had positive experiences from taking small steps so far. Feel free to share those!
I can relate. I'm a bit scared to really tackle this as well. I have experienced something very simliar recently, in that I quit smoking. After 21 + years, its still very difficult some days to not have that in my life anymore. It was so much a part of my day, of my activities, of who I was - and how I presented myself to others...I'm redefining myself now and with the drepression set in, I am feeling pretty lost. I am hoping that by doing this program I can learn and grow from my depression as I am redefining the new non-smoking me. There's a lofty goal!
We'll only ever get there one step at a time, and today I have taken a step.
i have been here since some time..........this program does work........
i too battle with suicidal thoughts....but since i have tried so many options trying to get out of depression......and you too might have.......
i think why not try........this program too.......and as for me....it has helped me....
i too fear being out of this depression.......and again having it back in life.....it is surely difficult.........but since we have all come so far.....with even a slightest improvement why cant we give this try some time.......
I'm a visitor from the panic site, and I can relate. I do not have depression but I do have the same symptoms. In my case it is because so much of my life was surrounded by anxiety every time I did some thing that I have built a safe little bubble to live in. I am afraid that if I get better (I am better) I will have to go through it all over and I don't want to. And there is so much catching up to do. It is scary. I know I won't panic anymore but still there is the negative core beliefs there trying to come back to the surface. On bad days I still think suicide is the best solution even though I know it isn't. It passes. Now I treat every episode as an adventure, some are good, some are bad but still they are my adventure and since the option is living in the bubble I can now accept that it is going to be tough. The bubble is still there, I can always run back to it. Much better than suicide right. So like I said I am better and actually there is not the fear of getting better because I have found all that worry is false. It isn't really that tough living after you get better.
If this site is anything like the panic site I can only say that it works.
I'm new here, and have just completed Module 1. The program looks very promising, and my first goal is to take a week to complete the Activity and Mood Trackers, and to not continue to the other modules ahead of time.
Right when I think I'm finally set to conquer this depression madness once and for all, I feel very nervous about 'success'. Negative spirals have consumed so much of my time and energy that I don't know what a life without them would look like. It's like suicidal thinking has become my safety blanket, and it's scary to consider giving it up for good - in spite of all the mental anguish. Perhaps it's a fear of the unknown. I don't really know what it is.
