Cara
Do something like I do when unwanted thoughts appear. I say " oh, your back, I see you, (acceptance) now go way, I have no time for you". (anger) And quickly put in place a different thought. This cuts off the unwanted thought before it goes into memory yet accepts it so it doesn't have to keep cycling. The new thought should take it's place. Some times once is enough, some times it can be annoying and keep invading.
Oh I know that reaction where you blame everything on anxiety. Yet in fact the only anxiety there is the observation. EG.
anxiety doesn't cause a cold but observing you have one does. And it is normal, tell it to go away. No go away is too mild, tell it to piss off.
Going back to work is a trigger that sets off everything associated with it in memory. All that bad crap. Tell each one to just go away, this is a new start. A new you. Out with the old. Try to treat it like a journey.
First off take the word hate out of your vocabulary. It is a very strong negative word. Wars have been caused because of hate. Dislike things. Dislike is more acceptable. More easy to dispose of.
First off only on TV do people have perfect lives. Everyone has some sort of struggle every day whether physical or mental that they have to shrug off so it doesn't eat at them. Some, the lucky ones don't even notice they do it.
Would you be willing to post what ever good happens each day, sort of like what we do here with other posts. This is so you are forced to think on the good because I see you drifting back toward the negative. It forces positive to the top of the pile. No, too scary?
Well I might just have to start for you.
Davit
