I'm sorry to hear of the pain you're experiencing and the heavy loss you've had to endure in your life. The pains that accompany grief can certainly surface at unexpected times - no matter how long ago you were forced to say goodbye to those you loved. I agree with David - one of the few ways to help cope is to think of and cherish happy memories you shared with your husband (as well as the other men in your life who have gone on from this world). What did you admire about your husband? What about him may have driven you crazy that you now miss him for? How do you honour your husband in your day to day life? I find talking about the person that you grieve for, bringing them to life for others to know him better, can help lift a heavy heart.
I don't know anything about how to grieve I only know what works for me. I miss my Dad who I hardly knew because he was reclusive like me. And I miss my cat. I think of all the good things my Dad was. All he could have taught me. All we could have done together if premature dementia hadn't taken him. I have no anger that he was taken but after more than thirty years he can still make me smile. I miss Thomas because although he was independent I was his world, he was always there when times got tough. I spent a lot of time taking care of him and he took care of me. Some times it was easy to forget he was a cat when he was riding on the fender of the tractor or sitting with me in the garden. But to keep from feeling sad I focus on the good times not the loss. Neither of them are gone, they are just not with me and I am glad I had the time I had with them. There is a fine line between loss and anger at loss. I avoid the anger whenever I can. But it can creep up on a person.
After a 7 month absence from Panic Center I have found myself in a place of crisis. I've returned to my comfort zone whilst awaiting, referrals etc. I truly thought I had the tools in my arsenal & was equipped to deal with whatever life threw at me, I guess as my mind seems to have a self destructive mode, this is always my first thought when faced with a crisis & boy do I have one to face.
I can't seem to make sense of what has been trust upon me so suddenly & out of nowhere, anytime for a crisis is a bad time, but the next two weeks see my wedding anniversary & the anniversary of my late husbands death. After 12 years this seems to be getting harder for me & our twin daughters. He has now been gone as long as our daughters knew him. I know haven't grieved properly, I haven't gone through the seven stages of grief & as we know if one stage is missed we have not fully grieved. My problem has been I get so far into my grieving & I lose someone else & find myself not only back at stage one but totally incapable of processing what has occurred. Every man I have ever loved has died, brother, husband, nephew, father & now with my relationship in crisis I feel as though I am grieving once again.
And so I return to you my friends, my online support family in the hope that I can find some answers & get some relief from the utter heartache & despair I am feeling.
